Parents Zone

Thanks to SpouseBUZZ for alerting to this.  Let your servicemember know. 

http://www.armytimes.com/news/2008/07/army_freecalls_072908w/

In the community of MilParents (Parents of Serving Military) there is a “sub community” – the parents of activated National Guard soldiers. Many of the parents I met when my husband was National Guard were totally lost, and didn’t understand what had happened to them and their families.

Yes, they were proud of their soldier. Very proud of them, but for them the Army (National Guard version) was the one weekend a month that they couldn’t plan something with the family. It was the 2 weeks of “summer camp” or training somewhere else in the state or even somewhere else in the country, or when called up for a natural disaster, or when the Governor needed them for something else. True, they had mobilized once before, for a tour in the Bosnia area, but that was a lot of police type duty, and remembering what one young soldier told me, boring – but a way to get to the other side of the Atlantic and do some traveling on their R&R.

The Iraq deployment was something different. They were gone for so long. First in Mississippi and that was difficult, but there were phone calls nightly, they even came home for Christmas leave.. so while we were all worried, it was for “later” . Later came after a rain soaked farewell parade – the tears, the hugs and the “be careful”s. Later came when the phone stopped ringing when they were flying, when they got to the staging area. Later came when mailing packages, and for some putting the blue star in the window.  Later came when the rest of the State seemed to forget they were there, and the sympathy dried up… until the first funeral.

These parents told me, over and over, that this was just what the kid did to get to college – or when he was drifting and didn’t seem to have a focus – what she wanted to do for her country, herself, her family – how he got the training for a good job. They hadn’t come to that realization of what it really meant to “Be Army” yet, not like the parents whose child joined the full time service, and in this day and age, we all know what that means.

It’s a realization more and more NG parents are having to face. Are you? Tell us about it. This is a place for Parents of Active Military, for information, for a shoulder when you need it. We understand.

LAW

cross posted from Spouse Buzz

July 21, 2008|SemperFi Wife

I will honestly crawl up on a table if there’s a spider on the floor. I am terrified of spiders. They have too many legs and they’re just creepy. I can’t step on them but I can kill them with hairspray, cleaning solution, heavy books, etc.

I fear public speaking. Nothing really helps me deal with that. I have tried to visualize the audience in their underwear. It doesn’t work. I am only more nauseated by doing so (no offense). I almost flunked freshman English because I had to give 5 speeches in one semester. I thought that was brutal.

Now, with a loved one on deployment, I have, again, real reasons to fear things.

I live at the end of a cul de sac. Whenever I am coming home from running errands, I check before turning off the main road to see if there’s an unfamiliar car waiting for me. Would I keep driving if I saw one? I don’t know.

Whenever the doorbell rings, I check to see who it is before I answer the door. Would I not answer the door if someone in uniform was standing there? In my silly little world, if I don’t open the door, the worst has not happened. I admit that that’s ridiculous. Would I really not open the door? I don’t know.

There are various scenarios that play out in my head in the early morning hours. All of them have happened to other people so they are “fairly” realistic. I don’t know what it is about 3:30 am but I have some serious conversations with myself at that time almost every morning. It’s prime time for the rabbit hole.

Fearing the loss of my son as a KIA or as a hostage run about equal for me. Thinking about the possibility of either one will grab me in the pit of my stomach and take me on a rollercoaster ride. What would I do? How would I react? Am I strong enough to deal with it? It doesn’t seem like I really would have a choice in the matter but fear and worry don’t take that into account. Remember, we’re talking about the rabbit hole.

As milfamilies, we deal with the rabbit hole. We know there’s an end to it. One way or another, be it through homecoming or something terrible, there is an end to it. It’s the dark part of deployment.

I prefer Alice’s rabbit hole.

I know - we promised a series on Advanced Training - but it’s simply not as good as we want it yet.  So - a few little posts this week - let me know what you want!

Now - coupons!!  Whilst sitting and cutting out the few coupons that I use, I thought about how many I throw away every Sunday.  I remembered a few articles and some TV spots about senior citizens cutting out coupons to send to military bases overseas.  So I checked.  And they even take expired coupons (up to 2 months old).  I am putting links to the lists of bases that do accept these.  If you have a soldier overseas, who would be willing to be a contact point and is willing to have their address listed here, let us know!

We are trying to get the forums up and moving - again, let us know what forums you want! This is where parents can get together and discuss what is important to them.  I am getting some instruction in how to do this, from our Tech Mama and all around good girl, Tammy (I like Tech Mama for her handle, what do you think??)

Here’s the list - so start clipping, get your office to get clipping!  A few cents here and there, helps an awful lot, especially with the cost of living in Europe or the Far East. note: no addresses in the Sand - please!

LAW

http://www.ocpnet.org/

http://www.grocerysavingtips.com/expiredgrocerycoupons.htm

http://www.savingadvice.com/forums/grocery-articles/2575-expired-coupons-give-grocery-coupons-new-life.html

Progress and Graduation:

And the countdown continues!  You worry, and hope for that call (by the way, this is something you’ll be doing for a long time!) Progress is hard to judge, since you aren’t getting calls or letters. BUT - the military thought of this.  There are sites for you to check on what the class is doing - see their schedule and wonder how they pack it all in.  There are links to the sites listed below

SSM: Most units have a web page where you can at least access a syllabus of their training regimen week by week and track their progress towards “graduation”.  And whatever you do — if you can make the graduation — DO IT! You’ll never regret it.

Lela:  parents can get a lot of info on what mail to do (or not do) from the websites, as well as training schedules.  The site really helped me deal with the “no news is good news” part of wondering why my son didn’t write.  I looked at his schedule, saw how chock full it was, or that there was a test coming up, and it eased the worry.

GRADUATION!

Finally - it ends.  They are graduating, and it’s impressive! Now - the graduation date can change.. a few times.  Keep an eye on the website!

The DAY:  First, you meet up at the barracks.. and it’s hard to recognize your recruit!    There are rules that the recruit cannot leave post before graduation.  In some cases, they need a “post pass” to be able to leave the company area - on Knox you can hit the museum, or the bowling alley (which was packed with parents, recruits, brothers and sisters, girlfriends, wives, kids… a very happy place) They have curfew, and cannot drink alcohol. Don’t let them get into trouble on the last night.. because they can and have been set back at the last minute.

They have made battle buddies that they may or may not see again, but for that time, that place, they were closer than anyone else can imagine.  They grew up, lost weight, are suddenly amazingly polite and stand at parade rest when talking to you,  they made a huge decision and are making more every day.

The ceremony is done as only the military can do it.  Marching, music.. and then they put their hands up and take that oath.  There were a lot of tears during that ceremony.. a lot of tears and memories.  Remembering that little boy who learned to ride a bike, the little girl getting on the school bus for the first time by herself, the child who went away to Scout camp, all grown up now.  It was a moment none of us will ever forget.

LINKS:

ARMY

http://www.goarmy.com/life/basic/index.jsp The Army site

http://www.jackson.army.mil/ Ft. Jackson

http://www.knox.army.mil/school/194arbde/index.htm Ft. Knox

http://www.wood.army.mil/HQ310/ Ft. Leonard Wood

http://sill-www.army.mil/434/index.htm Ft. Sill

https://www.benning.army.mil/infantry/ Ft. Benning

NAVY

http://www1.netc.navy.mil/nstc/ Naval Service Command – Great Lakes

MARINES

http://www.mcrdpi.usmc.mil/ Parris Island

http://www.mcrdsd.usmc.mil/ San Diego

AIR FORCE

http://www.lackland.af.mil/units/737trg.asp Air Force - Lackland

COAST GUARD

http://www.uscg.mil/hq/capemay/ Cape May – Coast Guard

we had a question in the comments section, that needs to be up here, where everyone can see it…

“Now, I have a question for the parent zone, my son is leaving in 20 days for Okinawa and is a bachelor and I would like to know how many pounds he is allowed to send over there. I know it is different then my daughter and son that are married which get to send a ridiculous amount but my son didn’t get the amount in his briefings this week. I was wondering if anyone had a quick answer for me so I could pack a bachelor kitchen. I guess it wasn’t in the briefings as he is the only one going oversees in his graduating class. So, thank you for any advice you can give me about this tropical island.
Nanceoso
Can anyone help here?   Post your answers here, we’ll make sure Nanceoso gets them!

LAW

The Crud -

Recipe:

Take 30 or so men (or women) from all over the country and all their accompanying germs.

Add: Very little sleep

Stress and tension

Strange food, eaten at full tilt

Physical training and running everywhere

Sleeping in close quarters

Result: The Crud – usually a nagging, nasty, cough/cold, sinus involvement possible.

Your recruit will get sick. No matter how healthy, how prepared with running and physical training – your recruit will get the Crud. They ARE allowed to go to the clinic, but you will find your recruit will not want to – for whatever reason. They are scared that they will miss something important. Don’t worry, if they really get very sick, the Drill Instructor will make them go! One mom sent a LARGE box of bandaids - all sizes.  BLISTERS!  Those new boots will rub in some strange places.

LAW – our son’s biggest request was for cough drops. My husband thought it was for candy – sweet is sweet, but we found out that every one had a cold! His drill Sgt – at graduation- thanked me for sending the box of Halls that I shipped (of course I had to strain to hear him.. he had laryngitis!)

SSM – Navy, Marine or Army (I haven’t heard this from any AF moms) — they all get it — do you know that is why they sleep foot/head/foot head at boot camp? so no one is breathing on any other recruit!! (doesn’t help — they all get it anyway!

Lela: He did send me a note asking for vitamins and sore throat drops.  They get the Boot Camp Crud at Parris Island as well.  Everyone got sick at some point, according to my son.  He also asked for bug spray to try to combat the sand fleas.  According to him, it didn’t work.

So- did yours get the Crud, or something different?  Any other suggestions?

Mail (from home type, multiple)

Mail call is the highlight of the day – and the more mail the better. BUT, and this is a big but, there are rules about what can be sent. Letters, cards, pictures, those are fine. Funny cards can lift the spirits; newspaper articles or the funnies, or the local paper are great. NO Pornography, NO food, NO candy, NO alcohol or other contraband. The packages will be opened, and your recruit will pay the price. Extra PT (physical training) can result, and the heartbreak of watching the drill instructor EATING those goodies in front of the unit, is really adding insult to injury…Things like cough drops are allowed, and in fact are a good idea to send – all those recruits from other parts of the country – all those germs, lots of physical activity and lack of sleep, means their immunity system is down, and they ALL get colds. (But that’s tomorrow’s topic)

SSM: The Army son’s unit also had a contest to see which soldier received the most mail and received the most pictures from home — and our son’s friends certainly got into the spirit of it as he won the most mail and the most pictures contests… However, no food could be sent and the Sgt.s confiscated any food… opening the packages in front of the unit — home baked goods they kept for themselves and destroyed all the rest.  If a recruit received food (or other contraband — alcohol, cigarettes, porn, etc.) the recruit was “smoked” (severe physical training to the point of barfing).

LAW – my son’s request was for cough drops but he loved the cards – I’d send a couple a week, as did his girlfriend at the time. My husband told me – NO food… I so wanted to send a box of cookies, but we knew the rules. Mail call was so important! Any encouraging news, or news about the dogs, the neighbours, old friends, any news at all. But telling him how proud we were of him, really helped him get through it.

SSM: My advice to parents is to remember the military (mom’s) mantra: “no news is good news ’cause bad news travels fast” and to just keep writing those letters, sending funny cards and getting as many of their friends and family to do the same!! Your son or daughter will be sore, tired, depressed, home sick… and they need all the support they can get — even if you don’t hear back from them! They haven’t forgotten you and will call just as soon as they can!

From Lela: [my son] told me that it was heartbreaking to see packages with food destroyed or eaten by the DI’s when they were soooooo hungry.  He did send me a note asking for vitamins and sore throat drops.  He also asked for bug spray to try to combat the sand fleas.  According to him, it didn’t work.  Mostly, he wanted pictures of the family to attach to the inside of his “cover” or hat.  He said it really helped to have them there as a reminder of who he was and why he was going thru hell.  He did tell me that the cards and letters from the family were a real boost, even though he didn’t reply to most of them …. he chose sleep.

Please let us know what your recruit wanted - any good ideas for new parents?  What did your recruit ask you for specifically?

Training, that is. (Part one of five)

What to know or expect when your son or daughter goes to Basic Training – (now called Basic Combat Training)

First and foremost - be very proud of them.   The whole point of this training, is to take them from the adult they think they are - to the adult the Army/AirForce/Marines/Navy/Coast Guard wants to have. This is going to be a hard 9 weeks or more. 

Second – you won’t hear from them very often, if at all! They are not allowed to have their cell phones (this is sometimes difficult to fathom in this day and age) This is something you need to remember while your child is in the service – repeat after me: NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS.

From Some Soldier’s Mom: I have 3 sons that went to Basic (or Boot Camp)… and we received a brief phone call when each arrived at their destination (two at Great Lakes Naval Station and one at Fort Benning). We received two brief letters and a post card from the oldest (Navy) and then a few phone calls when permitted. We got two or three letters over the course of Navy Boot from the middle son and two phone calls. Army Sgt.s apparently do not want to be hearing from soldiers’ mommas and it was a requirement at Basic that they write home once a week or 10 days… although we did not start receiving letters until about his 3rd week into training. Parents have to realize that their sons and daughters are being physically and mentally stretched to the breaking point and they are so sore and tired at the end of EVERY day, that they sincerely do not have the energy to write letters home… and they do not have telephone privileges until very late into their training. My son said when he had to choose whether to take 15 minutes to write a letter or get 15 minutes extra of sleep — sleep won every time!! From LAW – I got a couple of scrawled notes – I’m tired, I’m tired, working hard, I’m tired, and 1 or 2 brief calls, hi, love you, tired He stood in line for a long time to call, but couldn’t talk for long - the line behind him was just as long! Tammy – Husband was so exhausted he managed to write postcards to the kids.. but not many calls – Sleep was the winner.

Their schedules are amazingly full.  Some of it doesn’t make much sense.  Their schedules are posted, on the website of the facility where they are training.  Links will be provided - Friday’s portion of this series.

Please - GIVE US YOUR STORIES, YOUR QUESTIONS, YOUR COMMENTS!

*****Tomorrow - what to send and what NOT to send **************

As parents, we’re proud of our kids (most of the time).  We gave birth to them, we diapered them, put up with toddler tantrums, held their hands when they crossed the street, and we guided them through school and sometimes painful life experiences.  We taught our kids values, the benefits of hard work and the repercussions of bad decisions when we grounded them, took away that allowance, or gave them those extra chores.  We used them as “slave labor” (their terminology).  Our kids mowed the yard, did the dishes, and took out the trash while we oversaw the work and paid the allowance.  We made our daughters wear that “old fashioned skirt that no one else wears, Mom!” and refused to buy our sons those baggy jeans “that everyone else has.”  We made them eat their vegetables instead of the burgers, fries, and shakes that everyone else’s parents let them eat and made them go to bed positively hours before anyone else.  We “owned” our kid and we were proud to say, “This is my kid.” 

We may still be proud of our kids, especially now that they’re taking on life as an adult and have made adult decisions, like joining the military.  But as parents we need to realize that someone else now controls your kid’s life.  Yes, Moms and Dads, Uncle Sam has taken over that job!  Uncle Sam, in the guise of that miserable drill sergeant, drill instructor, or training instructor has taken over your job to get your kid out of bed at the crack of dawn (only this time it really is at the crack of dawn).  Uncle Sam now makes your kid clean that room, eat that food, march here, march there, dress in that not-exactly-trendy-outfit, move this, learn that, scrub this, paint that. . .you get the picture. 

Yes parents, your kid, the apple of your eye, your pride and joy, no longer “belongs” to you.  Your kid belongs to Uncle Sam.  While that young man or woman is in the military, they are soldiers, sailors, airmen or Marines - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  The rules that the services set out, apply to them all the time.  For instance - motorcycle safety gear.  If your kid rides a motorcycle, she must wear personal protective gear, like helmets, goggles, reflective garments, gloves and sturdy footwear.  It doesn’t matter if you live in a “helmet-free” state; your kid must wear the protective gear or she’s violated regulations.   A young Marine we heard about didn’t bother putting on the helmet when moving a motorcycle just a couple of yards… and the hospital stay was enlivened by irate Gunny Sergeants, Lieutenants  and Commanders visits and phone calls tearing another strip off him, to the consternation of his mother.  Said young Marine explained it to her -  and she was quite happy that these visits were impressing on him the need for safety!

 The same rules apply for wearing seatbelts.  Your kid must wear them, whether he’s required to do so by state laws or not.  Not only must your kid wear his seatbelt, but if he’s driving he must require everyone else in the car to wear them too.  Uncle Sam can (and does) require your kid to maintain a certain level of fitness, and can (and does) require your kid to have certain immunizations.  Your kid may be prohibited from participating in certain hazardous sports (like paragliding or bungee jumping) without first getting approval and a briefing.  You see, Uncle Sam wants his “assets” to be fit and ready to do the job they signed up to do.  GI – does stand for Government Issue!

Even though you’ve given your kid to Uncle Sam for the duration of that enlistment, you can still be proud of that child.  After all, you raised him to be the kind of man who could stand up, raise their hand, and say “take me, I can do it.”  You raised her to be proud to serve our great country.  Uncle Sam, and his terrifying drill sergeants, drill instructors, or training instructors, has taken your kid and forged the child you raised into the honorable warrior that emerged at the end of those endless weeks of training.  That young warrior, who may have lost weight but has gained muscle and confidence, is still your kid.  But that young warrior also belongs to Uncle Sam.  He has emerged standing straighter, smiling proudly, and ready to serve.  You can still be proud of that kid, and you should be proud of yourself.  You’ve done well! 

From LAW:  One of our guest authors - a Marine Wife and Mom  “Semper Fi Wife” has posted a loving and moving Birthday Card to her son in the Sand on Spouse Buzz .  Click here