Parents of the National Guard

August 17, 2008 · Filed Under Military Parents, National Guard Parents · Comment 

National Guard Parents – more on the invisible portion of the OnePercenters.

As a military parent, you become more and more aware of the gap between the military and the civilian worlds. Mostly, because you are trying to straddle it – and the gap grows and grows, as your child becomes a soldier, as they go for more training and become a Marine, as the ship farewells become a fact of life. But even in this little clan, there is a sub clan, that has a whole different and unique set of problems.

I write this, not only as the mom of a former soldier, but as the Army wife of a former National Guardsman. Our son was National Guard, then went Active (and is now out and dealing with the VA and all that fun [that’s a whole set of posts if you want them]) When my husband was deployed with the Guard to Iraq, many of the parents of the young soldiers in the Battalion were so lost, so full of questions, misconceptions and {some} anger.

At the last FRG meeting of our present Active Army unit, I was talking to a Major (National Guard) about to go downrange. He was musing on the fact that his child was in a school in which she was the only one who had a dad in the military. And I wondered how she is going to cope, although there are an awful lot of online aids for her, some chat rooms that are set up for these kids.

But that child’s grandparents? Where do they go? In our deployed National Guard situation, the FRGs were open to parents. But in our new duty station, at a recent briefing we held for some National Guardsmen that are attaching to our Active unit, the single young soldiers who were leaving didn’t want to come to listen/get information, because they didn’t “have anyone”. When I asked them, what about your mama, your dad, your grandmamma, they were stunned. For some reason, the impression is left with these young men and women that only wives and children are affected, only they are welcome to the briefings. I wanted so much to talk to their parents, to let them know they aren’t alone.

And that’s what one friend of mine told me – she was alone in her worry, her anger, her grief – surrounded by non military and in a situation she never thought she would be in. Her son was downrange with our NG unit, he’d only been Active for Basic and Advanced Training, and then came home and got on with his civilian life. Then activation, the usual mess with orders/pay, TriCare insurance for his spouse and baby {and yeah, all of them fouled up beyond all recognition}. Before she completely got a handle on it all, he was gone for training, then downrange. In that state, without a big base on it, the military is still a strange entity, a soldier in uniform in the grocery store is stared at, whispered about, little boys come up and ask if they killed anyone today. Her friends at work, at church, just didn’t know what to do, whether to say anything or keep silent and pretend, somehow, it all wasn’t happening.

We got her and more like her through it. Who was “we”? The more experienced wives, those for whom deployments weren’t something new, or those like me, who had been Active Army wives or Active Army parents. The lack of a place to go, to talk to others like her, was the catalyst for this site. This is where I ask for your help, your input. No, this isn’t Public TV or Radio pledge week (I do soooo hate that). It’s a request for your stories, your coping strategies. Don’t get me wrong, I love to write, I have some great co-authors here as well. But it’s not about me, or Some Soldiers Mom, or Lela, or SemperFi Wife. It’s about you, the mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, grandparents – of a serving member of our military. The Blue Star banner in the window, cell phone toting, proud families of the Guard.

Are you a parent of a Guardsman/woman? Have they been activated? Let us know how you are coping, write a post and email it to me for uploading at parentszone@gmail.com. We only learn from each other, your experience or your questions, can help another MilParent.

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At the Core – by Lela

August 14, 2008 · Filed Under Military Parents · 1 Comment 

Each service has a set of “core values” the service has identified as important principles for its members to follow. These core values are taught during basic training, or officer training, and are reinforced throughout a member’s service. For the Air Force the core values are integrity first, service before self, and excellence in all we do. The Army has seven; loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage. The Navy and the Marine Corps share the same core values of honor, courage, and commitment. The Coast Guard has defined their core values as honor, respect and devotion to duty. These are not just slogans or words to be thrown around. These values are part of what makes a military member. They should be incorporated into the member’s belief system, and become a part of the member’s character. As the Army says, “Army values are not just what we do, they are who we are.”

Each person has a value system. Values help us identify those things that are important in our lives. Values are taught by parents, family, friends, teachers and (perhaps unfortunately) our culture and society. Values may be based on religious teachings, or may reflect political ideation. Some values are superficial and may change over time as a person grows or matures. But a person’s core values reflect what is deeply important to them, and will usually stay with a person for life. So why do each of the services identify core values and teach them to new recruits during basic training and new officers during the commissioning process? Why are core values emphasized over the course of a person’s military experience? Because learning the core values helps a civilian transition into a strong, ethical, and trustworthy member of the military; ready to complete the mission assigned. As the Marines explain, once a person has earned the title of Marine, they become a Marine, and a Marine’s character is defined by the Corps’ values.

What do the values say about the character we want our Soldiers, Sailors, Airman, Marines and Coast Guardsman to have? Many of the services have the same or similar core values. It may be that the services’ core values reflect the services’ mission. It may be that the services’ core values reflect the values of that person all of us should strive to become, giving us similar ideals to value. To understand a member of the military, it may be helpful to understand the core values they’ve been taught.

Most of the services include honor as one of their core values. For Marines, the value of honor requires each individual Marine to demonstrate the ultimate standard of ethical and moral conduct, as well as uncompromising personal integrity. We expect that of Marines, because they expect it of themselves. An honorable Marine would never do anything to sully the reputation of the Corps. For the Navy, the value of honor also requires much the same thing; honesty, truthfulness, integrity, and accountability. The Coast Guard also identifies honor as a core value and defines honor much the same way as the other two sea services. According to the Coast Guard, honor is uncompromising ethical conduct and moral behavior. It is being loyal and accountable. For the Army, the value of honor means living up to Army values of respect, duty, loyalty, selfless service, integrity and personal courage.

The Air Force core value of integrity is similar to the other services’ value of honor. For the Air Force, integrity is the foundation for all the other values. Integrity is doing the right thing at all times and being honest with yourself and others; even when no one is looking. Integrity requires no compromise. The Army also lists integrity as a core value, and defines integrity as doing what’s right, both legally and morally. It is adherence to principles and will allow others to trust.

For Marines, courage, is considered “honor in action” and is based on moral strength, the will to do what’s right regardless of what others may do, and the willingness to take a stand. Courage is what carries Marines through the perils and hardships of combat. For the Navy, the value of courage helps a Sailor meet the demands of the mission, even when it’s hazardous, demanding or difficult. Courage is doing the right thing, even in the face of adversity. For the Army, having the value of personal courage means being able to endure physical stress and being able to face moral fear. It also means being able to risk personal safety.

The final value for the sea services is commitment. For Marines, commitment is considered total dedication to the Corps and to the Country. It’s also about teamwork with other Marines, to never give up, never give in, and never accept second best. It is selfless determination and relentless dedication to excellence. The value of commitment is what is behind the well-known saying that “once a Marine, always a Marine.” For the Navy, commitment has a slightly different meaning. For a Sailor, the value of commitment means respecting the chain of command and looking out for the welfare of other Sailors. It also means showing the highest degree of moral character and technical competence. The Coast Guard defines commitment in terms of devotion to duty. A Coast Guardsman exists to serve and serves with pride. For a Coast Guardsman, a devotion to duty is a commitment to achieving the mission.

The Army’s core values of loyalty and respect seem to be similar to the value of commitment. The Army values loyalty to both the country, the Army, and other Soldiers. Army also values respect, which requires a Soldier to treat others as they would be treated and being able to trust that others will do their jobs. The Coast Guard also defines respect as a core value. For Coast Guardsman, respect means working as a team by treating others with fairness, dignity, and compassion.

The Air Force has a core value of service before self. Service requires dedication to the mission and a sense of service before self, often requiring personal sacrifice. The Army also has a core value for selfless service; putting the welfare of the nation, the Army, and other Soldiers before your own.

Finally, the Air Force values excellence. For an Airman, excellence means the care of resources and the technical competence to accomplish the mission in the best way possible. The Air Force value of excellence is similar to the Army core value of duty. For a Soldier, duty is defined as fulfilling obligations, without taking shortcuts.

In some respects, all of these core values can be boiled down into a single concept: at the end of the day, can the Airman, Soldier, Sailor, Marine or Coast Guardsman in the mirror and be able to say, “I served by doing it the right way, the best way I knew how.” It’s those who learn that simple concept that truly serve.

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Programs for Wounded Servicemembers

August 8, 2008 · Filed Under Military Parents · Comment 

From Lela – she has been  following the progress of an injured service member who is in the burn ICU at BAMC in San Antonio and has corresponded with his mother a couple of times.  His mom posts notes about his progress on Caring Bridge, a website specifically for that purpose.  Yesterday, one of the posts was pretty good.  She  listed a number of contact points and websites for people who want to donate money or frequent flyer miles for wounded warriors or their families.  This is a great way to let everyone know about these programs.  So please – pass these on, feel free to link to us or copy the list.

I have been meaning to list some of the organizations and their contact sites that make it possible for the Wounded Warriors and their families to be as worry free as possible while here at BAMC. If you want to be able to help in the recovery of these warriors, these are very noble organizations that are always in need of funds or frequent flier miles.

1.) judith.markelz@us.army.mil

2.)http://www.fisherhouse.org/programs/heroMiles.shtml

3.) http://www.operationcomfort.org/

4.) http://www.returningheroeshome.org/

5.) http://www.operationfirstresponse.org/

6.) http://www.facethefire.org/

1.) The email address for Judith is who to contact if you want to make any kind of donation, monetary or otherwise. Many businesses give, as well as individuals, and it goes directly to running the warrior center here at the guest house that lodges the families and transitioning warriors that have reached outpatient status. They receive DVD’s, reading materials, toilettries, video games, food that doesn’t require refrigeration, bottled waters and juice boxes, and so much more. If in question as to what is acceptable to donate here and where to send it, please contact Judith.

2.) The Fisher House, hero miles is what makes it possible for family and loved ones to visit using donated frequent flier miles.

3.) Operation Comfort is another wonderful organization that has assisted us on a few occasions. We have the use of a rental car here for 2 weeks because of them.

4.) Returning Heros Home donations go toward the construction of a beautiful home here that is being built to house wounded warriors and families as they heal and reconnect their lives.

5.) Operation First Response, provides support to wounded warriors and their families.

6.) Face the Fire is a supportive ministry for survivors of fire, not just warriors and families, and was founded by Brian and Mel Birdwell. Brian is a burn survivor of the Sept. 11, 2001 attack on the Pentagon.

 

 

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Almost the weekend – what’s my soldier doing?

August 8, 2008 · Filed Under Military Parents · Comment 

I remember, while either of my soldiers was deployed, wondering what they were doing.  Like most of us, I used to look at my watch and figure out the time wherever they were.  At the time, I wasn’t blogging – while our son was in Baghdad I was only up to emailing, hadn’t discovered the blogosphere.   Anyway – I always wondered what he or his dad were doing (dad was in Bosnia).  Weekends were harder, I didn’t have work/school to think about – ok, so I was avoiding homework! – and I kept hoping for calls.

How about you?  How are you coping with wondering?  Let us know, Let other parents know any good coping mechanisms!

LAW

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