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Coffins and media decision made
They Are Not Alone
As you all probably know, the SecDef has made his decision concerning the media access to coffins of the fallen coming into Dover AFB. The decision is that media will be allowed if the family requests it.
No matter how you or I feel about this (and I’m not going to put my opinion out here), this is now the way it is. Now there is paperwork that will be required, I’m sure there will be a form, and procedures and requirements etc. A question that is definitely out there – WHO is the one who will make that decision. Should it be the wife? the parents? the children (my son is an adult, and would put his 2 cents in). One commentor I saw suggested it should be up to the service member, that this should be something they decide.
As we’ve discussed before (well, I did the talking, hope you did the reading!) most of us have planned funerals for our service member. That’s one of those things that military families do that boggle the minds of the civilians. This is part of that planning. As a spouse, would I want my husband’s family to have any say in this decision? good question. As a mom, would I stand back and let my daughter in law make that decision, if I didn’t agree with it? another good one.
Do YOU guys have any answers? and if you want to let us know how you feel about the decision, feel free. Don’t forget, be polite!
LAW
Thanks for coming back to visit! If you would like to write for Parents Zone - please let LAW or TechMama know!
How Mama Bear gets through the wall…
join USO - help other troops and their families as they travel … it’s a process so go ahead and get started … you have to apply, interview, be accepted, get fingerprinted, have training, and then you’re ready to hit the USO. On a recent day, on the early shift there were twenty or so soldiers in the tiny USO sleeping when I arrived a little before 7:00 am … the recliners were full and a few were sleeping on the floor … all they want is a safe place where they can close their eyes. They came in all hours of the night … midnight, 4:00 am, and they poured in all morning. This shift is usually the one that is free to do cleaning … only the kitchen and the office area got cleaned on Tuesday… while the troops slept. Then we made sandwiches, coffee, bagels with cream cheese, bowls of cereal, even Ramen noodles, whatever they wanted that we had. We handed out soft drinks and snacks, cupcakes and pastry. These guys and gals are always hungry, but rarely do they ask for anything. WE have to ask them.
They’re coming from all over – going back to their bases – mainly Marine and Army, but also Navy, Air Force, National Guard. They talked about their families and they talked about their upcoming deployments. They always seem surprised that we’re so happy to serve THEM and they respond with “Yes, M’am” or “Thank you, M’am” … always so polite … that sir or m’am. We greet them, feed them, make them comfortable and find them rides. Sometimes the base is sending a bus … most likely they have to find their own way there … the airport information desk will make announcements that there’s a soldier needing a ride to Fort Bragg or a Marine needing a ride to Lejune or Johnson. Some of them have rides coming and can take more guys. They like to eat, sleep, play video games, watch movies, get online, and sometimes talk. It’s all free …
I think of my son when I see these troops and am paying it forward for groups like Maine Troopers who greeted our guys and hosted them so well in Bangor, Maine when they were deploying. Thank you, Maine Troopers! I’m very proud that the RDU USO has a strong committment to be open 24/7 for our traveling military. Lots of them – especially the younger guys need a place to sleep/rest between flights – lots of times that’s overnight – or MANY hours! We’re a meeting place for military families traveling – connecting with wives/husbands/children - so they can travel together to their destination. USO is one way to deal with ‘the wall’ … serving those who SERVE for us … there are more .
OneArmyMamaBear
Seasons can’t change fast enough
DESPERATELY!!! I want spring to come … winter to be over … because I want summer to come and my son to come home. BUT I’m also afraid for spring to come … that’s when the enemy comes over the mountains to renew their fight oppressing the poor of their own country and attacking their defenders – our sons and daughters. The cowardly worms hide among civilians so that when they get hit, civilians get hurt, too. Spring is when the fighting kicks up a notch … and I’m afraid. I just want to jump OVER spring and go straight to summer … maybe go into hibernation like a bear … and wake up when it’s all over … in time to clean, cook and get ready to greet my son and his unit coming back from the other side of the ocean. But hibernating, hiding, sticking my head in the sand … that isn’t my style … I don’t do things that way … I don’t choose to go through life in an unconscious state (unless it’s surgery)… I charge out to meet it head on!!!
I attack everything with research … know my enemy … know my mission. For instance … Mission Pregnancy Max (he was baby #4) … I didn’t assume I knew it all … medicine changes it’s mind constantly … so-o-o all through my pregnancy with Max, I researched … decided on a different natural childbirth method (did Lamaze with #2 and #3) – decided on Bradley for Max’s birth – went to Bradley classes – ate healthy – did my pregnancy exercises – read and researched my all the way through this 4th pregnancy of mine … I wanted the best for Max – just like I wanted the best for each ONE of my four children. Max has always sung his own version of “My Way” (even before he was born). Max decided he preferred to be born feet first… airborne – all the way – jumping out feet first. Even then – no state of unconsciousness for me – I still wanted to BE there for Max’s birth and be AWAKE – didn’t want to miss anything – thanks to an epidural, I was. So-o-o-o, how can I do deployment any other way? read, research, stay informed, and sometimes find out way too much … more than I needed to know … I just want this to be OVER! I want Max to be safe and come home – I want them all to be safe and come home. NOW!
I’ve warned my husband … deployment is bringing out a new side of me … a new me … a violent me??? maybe deploy the mamas and the papas with our sons and daughters … we’re plenty angry! I realize this resembles a tantrum … at 59 I’ve reverted to the behavior of a two year old. What is this???? someone please tell me !?!?
One Army Mama Bear
HOOAH!
Hitting the Wall
You hit the wall… it’s just too much and it’s never going to end. The tension, the stress – it’s all too much right now… you just yelled at your sister, your best friend is fed up with listening to you, and your spouse has decided to take a long walk every night after dinner. You sit and obsessively watch the news and pace the floor, or you refuse to have a radio or TV on at all… What is this mess??? Welcome to the wall- the deployment wall. We all hit it – the days drag by and you really cannot figure out why you are so unhappy all the time, the calendar stubbornly refuses to turn over, the clock MUST have stopped…
Yes, the funk has hit. Now, you can, if you want, sit around in your ratty sweats or bathrobe all day; drag yourself to work and make yourself the most unpopular person in the building when you snap the head off the poor receptionist; obsess over the lack of email, or the missed phone call – OR- you can get off your butt and do something…
In my case – I did all of the above! and when I was sitting in my nest of papers/books on the couch in front of the TV – I realized this was just not healthy. That conclusion was bolstered when I got out of the sweats and tried on real clothes – hmmm. all that food, no exercise – bad news on the scale. So – giving myself a really good metaphorical butt kicking, I got to doing! A friend and I decided that we’d get a project moving – and what a doozy it was. She got a printer friend to print up some Thanksgiving greeting cards that could be colored – and then we started calling and emailing local teachers at elementary schools. We sent the blanks out and the kids colored, wrote letters etc. over 3,000 cards! when we got them back, they were mailed to the various chaplains attached to our unit and handed out at their Thanksgiving festivities.
We were told that the troops really loved them, gave them a good chuckle. So – if you are in the Funk – St. Patrick’s day is coming up! know a troop who could use a laugh? know a local elementary school? Well – there ya go!
Tell us how YOU got over hitting the wall —–
LAW
Keeping up Morale- Mama Bear Style
Morale … you know your soldier … you can detect his/her mood in a message or the tone of their voice and you know that they’re down … the traveling px is there, but finance didn’t come out first … everyone is out of money and out of smokes (now I don’t want him to smoke, but understand that it’s the stress relief that he needs). The mail gets messed up – packages that are addressed correctly are returned to their senders, mail sent home takes months to get there. We want their heads to be in their job. We want them to be ON – really ON – and sharp! We send letters, funny cards, pictures, and packages. We send crazy stuff like Christmas trees and dart boards, and camping cooking forks with supplies to make s’mores … all to boost morale … for our soldier and all the guys in his tent.
As a parent you sometimes feel a bit out there because you’re not on base or near the FRG. I’m so thankful for a fantastic company FRG leader who keeps us in the loop. I, also, joined a Military Family Support Group near my home, almost twelve months before my son deployed. My motivation was to learn how to support my son’s wife before, during and after deployment – and of course to support my son. I had no idea how valuable this group would be to me. Our facilitator is in close contact with chaplains of several groups of deployed soldiers – all branches of the military. Our group is composed of parents, spouses, children, grandparents, friends, and troops who have returned home from deployment. When our facilitator gets word that there are troops who are not getting mail or packages from home, we ‘adopt’ them and send cards and boxes that say “we appreciate you and the sacrifices you are making for all of us.” Our efforts are to keep morale up and to let those troops know that what they are doing is important and appreciated by people back home.
I joined USO to help troops and their families as they travel and I’m very proud of my local USO because they’re committed to keeping it open 24/7. The Maine Troop Greeters were so amazing to our troops as they were going over and I just wanted to ‘pay it forward’. These things help MY morale and if I keep my morale strong, then I am better able to work on keeping my soldier’s morale up.
It’s scarey to hear our soldiers are down – no, they don’t say so – they NEVER would, but you hear it between the lines in the ‘tone’ of their message – or their voice if you can get a phone call. NONE of the things that get him down are within my control… as much as I would like to … I cannot correct the mail problems – or – ‘suggest’ that finance might make trips out to the FOB more often – at least before the traveling px comes. I’m a LOYAL Army Mom! But I’ve been a Mama Bear longer than I’ve been an Army Mom. Our deployed sons and daughters need to find home stable and strong when they communicate with us. They need us ALL to work together … it’s about morale … it’s about fighting the fight, they fight over there, we fight over here … it’s about keeping them focused on their jobs and staying focused on ours … and it’s about bringing them all back home – safe and strong!
Signing off – One Army Mama Bear
Hooah!
Coffins, Photographs and the families rights
ParentsZone has always been fiercely apolitical, and will remain so. I don’t personally feel this is a totally political action or that it is strictly partisan. This hits ALL of the military family equally, and there are a lot of questions that we are all asking. The answers are not easy to find. With this caveat:
As you may have read, the Secretary of Defense is reviewing the policy of taking photographs of coffins of the recently fallen soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan arriving at Dover AFB. This is one of those subjects that makes those of us who have family members serving – think, twitch and wonder what would we do.
As Andi on SpouseBuzz said – we plan funerals, in our heads. Yes, I’ve planned my husband’s (with no help from him, other than a request for Dixie played by bagpipes). I planned my son’s too. (the music for that one was difficult too) I haven’t had to use those plans…and I haven’t thought about the media, other than to hope they will show some respect. That, unfortunately, isn’t what has happened at many funerals. I went to nine funerals last deployment, and the media held back – it could have been that Midwestern reticence, but I’ll figure it was the Patriot Guard!
So how do I feel about it? I don’t honestly know. I’ve read other blogs about it, I’ve always thought that maybe the other 99% of the US population should see the true cost of the war; not just the money, but the lives – the lives lost, the lives shattered, the lives of the children losing a parent, the parent losing a child, the lives of the friends who mourn. But those same families and friends have the right to mourn in private, to survive the pain without cameras in their faces.
How do I feel? Confused. I know that I understand the families’ point of view that don’t want the pictures taken, I know I understand those that say these coffins, when they arrive, don’t have names on them that can be seen by photographers, that no-one is saying that they want to take pictures of widows and parents receiving the coffins, but is this the slippery slope we hear so much about? If we allow a photograph of a coffin on a plane floor, does that mean we will allow a picture of a woman kissing the coffin, of a child hugging the coffin holding her daddy?
And I want Secretary Gates to ask us. Not the Generals, not the under secretary of whatever, ask us. We are the ones who this will affect, we are the ones who live with this possibility. Please, tell me what you think.
LAW
9/11: Cinderella Lost a Shoe and LCpl Honda Lost a Birthday
Like most Americans I remember what I was doing on September 1, 2001. Just like I remember what I was doing when John F. Kennedy was assassinated and later when the space shuttle exploded. Both events were momumental in my life but 9/11 stands out the most for me.
There are two reasons for this. On that day in 2001 my daughter, Cinderella was serving our nation as an MP in the United States Army. Not long after Cinderella graduated from high school she informed us she wanted to join the Army. It didn’t really surprise me because she is not your average girl. She made the boy’s wrestling team in high school after watching her older brother LCpl Honda wrestle. She turned to me at her brother’s first match and said, “I am going to do that next year Mom.” Ah ok, I said. Well she made good on that statement and managed to pin a few boys along the way. So joining the Army made sense.
The second reason this date will live in my infamy forever is my son. LCpl Honda was born on September 11th. This was part of the reason he joined the Marines. His birthday is forever ruined by the fact that over 3,000 people lost their lives and our American world was forever changed.
So on that date like a lot of people I was getting ready for work and sort of half paying attention to the news. I remember seeing the reports of a plane hitting the first tower and not thinking too much of it until I saw the second plane hit the second tower. At that point I knew something was very wrong. I called to my youngest son, Hippy Guy, a teenager at the time, who was getting ready for school “I think we are being attacked.” I said. We then watched in horror as the first tower fell followed by the second tower. We were transfixed by the events unfolding but still went through the motions of preparing to go to work and school.
I was so overwhelmed by the events that I just did not realize the implications of what I had just witnessed. It wasn’t until I got to work that I feared for what was going to happen. I knew there were going to be implications and I was afraid my daughter would be caught up in it. So after I got to work I put in a call to my mother and asked her to call Cinderella and see what if anything was happening. At that time I did not have a cell phone so being at work I could only have minimal contact with my family. My mom tried all day and could not contact Cinderella and I continued to try and contact her when I returned from work. I remember having an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Cinderella had just given birth to my grandaughter Butterfly in June of that year and I was the person designated to take Butterfly in the event of a deployment. My mom and I made some tentative plans to go get Butterfly if that became necessary.
Finally about 8:00 o’clock that night I heard from Cinderella. She did not know much. She had been on lock down at her post but finally was released to go home and pick up Butterfly from her babysitter. She told me to sit tight and would let me know if I needed to come. Well, we all know the rest of this history. Needless to say she did not get deployed and in the early winter months of the next year Cinderella left the army and she and Butterfly came home. But the fear I felt that day still lives inside of me.
As far as LCpl Honda is concerned, we did not celebrate his birthday that day. We finally did a couple of weeks later but it was not your normal celebration. LCpl Honda still to this day is not really interested in celebrating his birthday. His only comment is, “I joined the Marines so that nobody else will have their birthday ruined.” I think that comment speaks for itself.
He has yet to be deployed and that is not for lack of trying. My nephew Cpl Red is currently on his second deployment to Iraq. As of today, LCpl Honda has volunteered to go with a unit that will be deployed to Afghanistan. Nothing is set in stone yet. As for me, I just sit and wait. Hurry up and wait. Semper Gumby.
Another New Author – ProudMom3
Ladies and Gentlemen – it is a great honour to introduce another new author – ProudMom3! She has – big surprise- 3 children. One is presently serving as a Marine and was here in DC at the Marine Barracks – marched in many ceremonial events and is now awaiting orders for either an IA or MEU – Mom is waiting (sounds familiar!) Her daughter was an Army MP – during 9/11, and we are looking forward to her input on how that felt. Her third child is a civilian and about to become a dad. PM3 has 2 grandchildren already. She lives in the desert Southwest, who just built a house and is busy moving in and decorating.
We are proud to have her on board – please welcome our Marine/Army mom!
LAW
Body Armor – more problems?
We have all seen the latest stories about recalled Body Armor. For those of us with family who depend on it for their safety, it was worrying. For me, it brought back memories of my son in Iraq in 2003/2004, and taking part in fundraisers to get more armor out to the guys in the field. So I was perturbed (nice way to put it, huh? I was pissed!) to see this rearing it’s ugly head again.
When I got the invitation to take part in a Bloggers Roundtable with SGM Tom Coleman from Program Executive Officer Soldier. who also “dual-hats” as the Natick Soldier Systems Center SGM, I jumped at it. This is a phone conference call, with various people including journalists and “regular bloggers” on the line, we ask whatever questions we want.
SGM Coleman explained, over and over again, that the recall was done not because any problems were found with the armor, but with testing procedures. Being the nosy paralegal that I am, I wanted to know if the testing was being done by the company that manufactured the plates that go into the vests (which is always a bad idea!) Here is his answer, from the transcript:
The government provides the oversight of testing. Okay?
Q Okay.
SGT. MAJ. COLEMAN: So the companies — now again, I talked about first article tests and lot acceptance tests. There were some incidents where the companies — we didn’t have a government official in on a lot acceptance test. But that wasn’t the cause of the problem. But that is some of the correction — there’s a government representative at every one of the FAT and LAP tests that take place. So it’s not just the company calling us saying, “Hey, we’re good.”
Q Yeah. (Chuckles.)
SGT. MAJ. COLEMAN: It is government representation that is there.
SGT. MAJ. COLEMAN: And I got to say, though, that — I mean, this is my number-one concern, is confidence in the family members. Soldiers are confident because they’re on the battlefield. They see what happens when those plates take a strike. They get back up, or they see their buddy get back up and shake it off, and they get on with their mission.
It’s the family members —
Q It’s Mom who’s sitting there.
SGT. MAJ. COLEMAN: — absolutely — that doesn’t see firsthand what’s going on.
And, you know, I mean, I have my own family call me up and say, “Hey,” you know. And again, I mean I’ve got four tours. My brother’s still active, getting ready to go back over there for his sixth tour. And my own mother calls me and says, “Hey, what’s going on with this?” And I’ve got to sit down and explain it.
So my number-one concern really is the confidence, because the equipment’s right. The equipment is good. And, you know, when these things happen, it does, it shakes it.
Q Yeah, it does.
It does make me feel a little better… no, not that I am being reassured that everything is alright – but he has to tell his own Mom!
We talked a bit more, he did assure us that there had been no problems with the plates, that no one is in danger from malfunctions.
LAW
Call to Action : Marine Lance CPL Preach
x-posted at Help A ServiceMember Out.org
I received this story from Jessica in San Antonio, TX. Let’s show Kevin how much his country honors his service and sacrifice.
Ten days ago, on Jan. 24, the Humvee in which Marine Lance Cpl. Kevin Preach (age 21) was a gunner was hit by an improvised explosive device and he was badly injured. He was transported to a medical site in Germany for surgery. He was stabilized and transferred to Brooks Army Medical Center in San Antonio, where he remains in a medically induced coma. “He is very seriously injured,” his mother said from the Texas medical complex. “He’s lost his legs. He’s lost a hand. He’s seriously burned. He’s very burned. It’s not even day-to-day, it’s really hour-to-hour.”
Kevin cannot receive anything inside his sterile room, but his mom will read him cards and letters that are mailed to him. Cards and letters can be sent to: Marine Lance Cpl. Kevin T. Preach, 3857 Roger Brook Drive, Room 4 South, Fort Sam Houston, TX 78234.
If you would like to help Kevin in other ways, let me know or go sign up to be a team member at Help A ServiceMember Out.org
Thanks,
Tammy
