Seasons can’t change fast enough

February 23, 2009 · Filed Under Deployment, One Army Mama Bear 

DESPERATELY!!! I want spring to come … winter to be over … because I want summer to come and my son to come home. BUT I’m also afraid for spring to come … that’s when the enemy comes over the mountains to renew their fight oppressing the poor of  their own country and attacking their defenders – our sons and daughters. The cowardly worms hide among civilians so that when they get hit, civilians get hurt, too. Spring is when the fighting kicks up a notch … and I’m afraid. I just want to jump OVER spring and go straight to summer … maybe go into hibernation like a bear … and wake up when it’s all over … in time to clean, cook and get ready to greet my son and his unit coming back from the other side of the ocean. But hibernating, hiding, sticking my head in the sand … that isn’t my style … I don’t do things that way … I don’t choose to go through life in an unconscious state (unless it’s surgery)… I charge out to meet it head on!!!

I attack everything with research … know my enemy … know my mission. For instance … Mission Pregnancy Max (he was baby #4) … I didn’t assume I knew it all … medicine changes it’s mind constantly … so-o-o all through my pregnancy with Max, I researched … decided on a different natural childbirth method (did Lamaze with #2 and #3) – decided on Bradley for Max’s birth – went to Bradley classes – ate healthy – did my pregnancy exercises – read and researched my all the way through this 4th pregnancy of mine … I wanted the best for Max – just like I wanted the best for each ONE of my four children. Max has always sung his own version of “My Way” (even before he was born). Max decided he preferred to be born feet first… airborne – all the way – jumping out feet first. Even then – no state of unconsciousness for me – I still wanted to BE there for Max’s birth and be AWAKE – didn’t want to miss anything – thanks to an epidural,  I was. So-o-o-o, how can I do deployment any other way? read, research, stay informed, and sometimes find out way too much … more than I needed to know … I just want this to be OVER! I want Max to be safe and come home – I want them all to be safe and come home. NOW!

I’ve warned my husband … deployment is bringing out a new side of me … a new me … a violent me??? maybe deploy the mamas and the papas with our sons and daughters … we’re plenty angry! I realize this resembles a tantrum … at 59 I’ve reverted to the behavior of a two year old. What is this???? someone please tell me !?!?

One Army Mama Bear


2 Responses to “Seasons can’t change fast enough”

  1. Sheila Quillia on February 23rd, 2009 8:53 pm

    I know just how you feel. My son is over there also and he won’t be home until fall. I never want the time to go so fast. But this year I just want it over with so he can be home with his new family. His daughter was dorn in December. And he is watching her grow by pictures. I have day’s were I’m just not sure how I’m going to get through it. And then I think of my son and I have nothing to complain about. He is the one that has the hard life. I’m just so afraid for him all the time. I want the time to go by fast but I don’t want things to start up stronger over there. I’m ready for it to all go away. I know he picked to do this but I’m having a hard time with it. I stay strong when I talk with him. Then when we hang up is when I let it out. I’m a strong person but this is something esle to have to deal with. I really have to put my trust in God. That my son will be home safe and sound. It isn’t as easy thing to go through. We are put here to protect out childeren and I feel that it is so out of my hands this time. I’m glad that I’m not the only one that can think they are going crazy.

  2. One Army Mama Bear on February 24th, 2009 3:10 am

    Sheila, we’re so on the same wave length. You really hit it … we are put here to protect our children and we do our very best to … carseats, seat belts, helmets, knee pads, all the safety devices, etc. to keep them safe. Then they go and join the Army (Air Force, Navy, Marine). I am VERY proud of Max, but like you – scared. Sometimes I have anxiety attacks … and then I just have to focus on breathing. I don’t let Max know ANY of this and stay strong when we talk. Time is just moving VERY slowly. I’m so thankful that LAW started Parents Zone! Isn’t it wonderful?! Take care! Stay strong! I’m praying for my son, your son, and all our guys and gals over there. One Army Mama Bear

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