With A Little Help From My Friends

blue star

When I first began with the Blue Star Moms, I wasn’t sure about how we were going to get things going as far as packages for the Troops or our Wounded Warriors. Things have moved so fast in a positive direction that I know that being a part of this, even beginning this Chapter, is something I was supposed to do. I know that may sound silly to some, but I am a firm believer that if you are meant to do something in life then the Universe will allow you to succeed. If you truly want to accomplish anything, feel it in your heart, it will come your way, in one manner or another, you will get what you need. By giving you receive.

Mind you, I have felt helpless many times in my life; when my son was in the Intensive Care Unit at birth, I felt this way. It was up to him to begin to breathe on his own without a respirator, which he did after a few days and now, all these years later he serves his Country with pride. Many times throughout my life I have felt that I could not deal with certain things that have come my way but always, I have been able to come up with the courage to see things through. My palms may get sweaty but I “put on my big girl undies and deal with it.” So, when more Moms began to contact me to join with me on this endeavor, I found ways to get things together, some times overnight! From standing up and speaking to a group of strangers about what a Blue Star Mom actually is, to putting together new member packets for familys, it has been a lot of work. And I have enjoyed every part of it.

However, when it came to sending care packages to our Troops, I didn’t really know how we were going to accomplish this on our own. Where to begin, who to talk to, nothing. I was as new at this as a fresh recruit getting off the bus at bootcamp! We are all new to this still, we didn’t have a lot of contacts except each other and the income/donations were not there yet. The cash donations we have received we have stood many hours in the heat, cold, wind and on hard concrete for. It is the least we can do, in my estimation, just a little discomfort is well worth the outcome. We do this thinking of our soldiers in the heat and cold, far worse conditions then we put up with.

We have been blessed with over 7,000 packets of the instant coffee from Starbucks customers to send to our Troops. We have been able to send handwritten note cards in every single package that we have been able to send to date. These come from those who visit our table when we do things like enduring heat of 103+ degrees at the Annual Chili Cookoff and local dog show. We have had bake sales to raise funds to ship the boxes that we knew that we would eventually, somehow be able to fill. I knew that we were on the right track, I could just feel it in my heart. The angels were listening to be sure!

I received an email from Operation Homefront regarding school supplies for military children to sign up on the website they gave me and was able to list our chapter to receive donations from local Dollar Tree stores. I figured we would receive a little something that we could pass along to the children, even receiving 10 of something would be better off then where we were at the time, with a whole lot of nothing except what we, the moms, were purchasing to send on our own.

Lo and behold, when we received the first call to go and pick up those items, there were at least 15 boxes between just two of the locations chock full of school supplies! We ended up with enough to assist 111 children plus, of various ages and in different locations. We were overjoyed to be able to receive such a generous contribution from the local communities.

Once I saw those coming in, I figured I should get back in the non-profit mode that I used to be in when the boys were in Cub Scouts and see if I could convince another store to do something so I went to Borders Book Store. To my surprise, the assistant manager was a “Navy brat” and they decided then and there to do a book/school supply drive for us. We ended up with over $5,000 in new books, backpacks and other items for the military children to give to them along with their school supplies. What an awesome blessing!

Once the drive for the school supplies was over, we were still wondering how we were going to be able to support our Troops. My own paycheck can only be stretched so far even when I do shop at Wally World and the “D” store. Many of our moms were out of work due to slow downs at their places of employment, like many others and we were all stressing about our children being deployed yet again. What to do, what to do?!?

Then, to my surprise, I received another notification from a local D store. Was I the right person for them to call? They had some care package items that they had collected and wanted to give them to someone and they had my name so could I stop by and pick them up? Taking my pick up truck over the next day, I picked up an entire truck bed of boxes loaded with care package items like hand sanitizer, razors, foot powder, combs, snacks of all kinds, candy and more! I wanted to cry, I was so overwhelmed at the amount of items that I actually needed assistance to pick up the rest.

We sent out 55 boxes on our first campaign, that was over 4 months ago with donations from family and friends. Last night, our third packaging to date, we packaged 150 boxes and actually ran out of boxes to fill. We had donations from not only the D store customers, but also from members of the local Veterans Administration staff, local community members and business owners. People just pop in at our meetings and drop off items for us to send. The local Rotary Club is sending 100 more packages to our Troops with names we have been able to supply to them. A local dental office has bought back Halloween candy and given it to us, over 400 pounds came in last night along with notes written by children from a local school thanking our Troops. A grandma showed up with donations and her teenage grandson, gave me the donations and left him there to help us, she said to give her a call when we were done having him work! He was quite the worker too!

The Army recruiter called me tonight, a local Pastor called him, the church has taken up a collection of items and they wanted to know who to give it to so he told them he had someone who would take it all, he made me laugh when he said he knew just who to call.

I have felt helpless, not knowing how we were going to accomplish all that I had envisioned our chapter doing to support the troops and their families, but apparently there are plans from above to show me that there are many helping hands out there. I wanted to be able to send to more then one soldier, and my wish is coming true. I know that there are many who don’t know how to help so they give, one dollar at a time, to our Troops. By doing this they don’t realize just how much they are helping each of the moms in our chapter, and all of our family members. Their outpouring of love and support is going overseas, each box as full as we can get it. You don’t have to hold a sign in support of our Troops, just go to a local Dollar Tree store and tell them you want to give to the Operation Homefront collection they are hosting.

We will sort, count, bag, and box. We will label each box, fill out the customs forms, load our vehicles and drive to the post office. We will join together, no longer helpless by ourselves, but stronger together in completing these packagings for our Troops and Wounded. With a sense of love and friendship we send those supplies over one way or another and the funds to do so will come to us, one way or another to get this done. We have enough right now to send 100 of those 150 packages to the war zone, we still need more funding to get the rest over in time for Christmas and we still have 10 large boxes that need funding to go to our Wounded in Landstuhl. That of course is my next wish! And I believe, that one way or another, it will come true.

Proud Mother of an American Soldier

Caregivers & wounded warriors – PBS

From BlueStar Mamaw and from the Director of New Media for PBS/NOW Magazine:

Hello Writers, Bloggers, and Citizens,

This weekend, the newsmagazine NOW on PBS will take a hard look at America’s new wounded warriors — why are their family caregivers overworked and under-supported?

I think your audience, colleagues, and members will be very interested. I’m pasting more information below. Know that the show will be available free and in full on our website starting immediately after broadcast at www.pbs.org/now

Show Description:

The Pentagon estimates that as many as one in five American soldiers are coming home from war zones with traumatic brain injuries, many of which require round-the-clock attention. But lost in the reports of these returning soldiers are the stories of family members who often sacrifice their entire livelihoods to care for them. On Friday, November 20 at 8:30 pm (check local listings at http://www.pbs.org/now/sched.html), NOW reveals how little has been done to help these family caregivers, and reports on proposals to provide critical support, though some say the ideas are just too expensive. At what point do the costs of war come at too high a price?

In addition to showing the program, our website will feature resources for family caregivers, a view of petitions seeking to create change, and a poll question launching Thursday evening:

Should family members be compensated for their care of wounded veterans?

Please let me know if you have any questions or suggestions.


Joel Schwartzberg
Director of New Media

Care Packages – From Blue Star Mamaw

blue starSince beginning a new chapter of Blue Star Moms in February of this year, I have learned a lot.  We have, as a group, done quite a bit, accomplished more in the past six months then some people do in a year.  The support from local communities has been steadily advancing and I am amazed at the generousity of so many.

We recently had our second shipment of Care Packages go out.  This time, we were able to send 55 packages to the deployed.  The first time is was 22 to deployed Troops and 2 large boxes to the hospital overseas for our wounded.  It may not seem like much in comparison to other groups who have been around longer but we are slowly spreading the word that there are needs that we, here at home, take for granted, that are not available to our Troops who are away from home.

Many are aware of our Troops being “down the road” but are unaware that many are still in the “sandbox” and that amazes me.  I even had one woman ask me why we would send care packages to the sandbox when none of our Troops were there?  Hello….Does no one watch the news or read the newspapers any more?  I explained our mission and our goal so that she finally understood and she has now volunteered her services and that of several friends to help with our next packaging.  YEA!!

So let me share what happened with our last packaging.  One of our Moms has a son serving down the road and he had emailed her with an emergency listing of his Unit’s needs. Just 9 young men, not a tall order for us at all.  Basically they were sharing deoderant, as many had run out, had several who never receive anything from home and their room was smelling a bit gamey (I won’t write what he said it actually smelled like-it was very much a guy comment though).  smile….

We ended up putting out a call to those who are affiliated with us and the items began pouring in!  Soap, toothpaste, Febreze, snacks, shampoo, body wash, M&M’s (a special request), amongst other items.  We had calendars donated from a local Hooter’s, DVDs, CDs, books, games and postcards written by many attendees of different events that we collect as we attend.  Those items were sent over the day after the packaging but not soon enough.  Two of the men in his Unit were unable to enjoy these small bits of home as they did not make it back from a firefight.  Another, the M&M requestor, grabbed the extra large bag of M&M’s, went to a corner, sat back and ate the entire bag by himself.  He couldn’t get enough of home and the memories this small candy snack brought to him.  This made me laugh and cry at the same time.  He is only 18 years old and does not receive much, this was the least we could do.  He is younger then my youngest son….

The smiles we were able to help create will be a part of us forever, the tears we shed when we receive the pictures back of them smiling with their packages, for the looks on their faces, fall silently and they will never see them rolling down our cheeks.

I sent my son homemade chocolate chip cookies and promised some to another soldier serving in the sandbox.  I sent her those as a special treat, from me, Mamaw.  I also sent over Cracker Jacks and sunscreen, she looked a little red in her recent photos.  When she sent me the pictures of her and her unit with the cookies and the other items they received (we also sent them some care packages), I laughed out loud.  Mind you, I was alone, at home, reading emails and posting updates and when I saw those pictures, I was in awe of how much this meant to our soldiers.  It only took me a small portion of my day to bake those cookies and a little bit of my lunch hour to send them over to her.  Since they were from me to her there was a bit of extra caring put into those cookies and a little bit more of the white chocolate chips too!    The pictures of one young female soldier reading a card that was in a care package made me cry.  The look on her face, the writing on the card, is visible and moving.  The stillness of her composure impacted me in such a way that I have to hold back the tears thinking of her.  It is a childs writing, with little flowers drawn on the border, completed with care, respect in the way that only a child can do, with innocence and love, completed without knowing who would be the recipient.

Another portion of our packages were given to a Chaplain as one young man that we had mailed them to did not really understand that he was to hand them out to those who would need them the most.  His buddies were laughing when he kept coming back from the post office on base with more and more packages.  He thought about it and came up with the idea to take them to the Chaplain so that those young men and women who were in dire need of a little bit of home, in need of an outpouring of love, and needing comfort, in need of knowing that they are indeed supported and thought of, would receive it.

These pictures and notes are not required for us to know that the packages are appreciated, we know, as Moms, that they are.  Just like the items sent for the wounded, we knew what they needed because we asked for a list.  These items are stored by the Chaplain at the hospital and for those who are in need (and ALL there are in need) can go to the locker area and “go shopping” for their sweats, t-shirts, shoes, flip flops, phone cards, what ever it is that is sent over and kept there for them.  We send only new items for them (in all of our packages), they don’t deserve used, they have volunteered to put their lives on the line and we want them to know that we appreciate them.

It’s not about how much you spend or are able to spend, one trip to the Dollar Store can benefit several soldiers.  It’s not about receiving kudos for what is sent, it’s knowing in your heart that you helped send a little bit of home and comfort to a Soldier who misses his family as much as they miss him.  It’s what you do to show you are thinking of them and that you care.


The Blame Game

· Filed Under Honor Their Service, Mamaw · 2 Comments 

I have an acquaintance whose child took their own life recently, and this wonderful parent blames it on themselves for not being more astute when it came to their child’s life. Granted, their child was older, but that does not mean much, this is still their child. This friend, a psychologist, committed to helping others, usually being able to see what is and is not right amongst patients, blames them self.  Why?  Their point of view, because they could assist others so why not their own child? Blame and grief they will hold forever in their heart, and no amount of counseling, cleansing tears or messages of hope they receive will assuage their blame bringing relief to their soul.  The pain they feel is so heart wrenching that my own heart hurts for them although I did not know their child personally.  Why do we blame ourselves as parents when we know that some circumstances are beyond our control?  Is it just part of the wondering and guessing, the should’ve, would’ve, could’ve syndrome, part of being a parent?

For a long time, I blamed myself for a lot of things in my life that I probably should not have.  I know what it has done to me physically, carrying around worries and stress of those things that I could not have realistically had any control over the outcome of and then blaming myself for it as well.  I could not predict that my son would join the military but I blamed myself when he did. I blamed myself because I was the one who taught him to make his bed the right way (read Army way) and I was the one who was involved with him during his years of Scouting (his dad didn’t want to help).  I was the one who taught him how to tie knots, honor our Flag, loving the symbol of all that America is.  I was the one who taught him that freedom isn’t free, who watched the WWII movies with him, the History Channel, the Discovery Channel, and having the discussions about what we had watched.  The one who bought him books, books and more books.  The one who taught him that when a bully is witnessed being a bully that you do something about it to defend the weak.  So, I blamed myself when he enlisted.  Why?  Because he reiterated my own teachings, telling me that he wanted to defend those who could not defend themselves, because they had hit us here at home and that sickened him.  Because, he told me, there was a need for him to defend what was his-his country, his family, me!

I was very surprised at all of this, I don’t know why, but I was.  What had I done?  I had, for years, taught my sons right from wrong, good versus evil, love versus hate; and the very fact that it stuck with him actually made me proud and sick to my stomach at the same time.  I blamed myself that he grew up in a household with two parents who love him more then he knows, yet who divorced after he was old enough to understand because it was killing me from the inside out.  The blame and worry that I used to carry actually made me very ill, to the point of having a doctor tell me to either fix what was causing it or prepare a will.  So I fixed it.  When my sons saw this, the blamed me for breaking up a home, I blamed myself for my ill health and for not doing it sooner, would it have made a difference in their lives?  I will never know. It had impacted them all as it was, and I was blamed for a lot more then I had bargained for when it was all said and done.

And yet, I have always been there for them, no matter what. I blame myself when they hurt because I should be able to find ways to protect them, but I can’t.  I have come to realize I can’t always be there, 100% of the time.  His going to war taught me that.  I can’t carry a rifle and march alongside of my son.  I wish I could, but age has a way of keeping you from doing some of the things better left to those who are better equipped and much, much more capable.  I wish I could have been at boot camp and told his Sergeant how I felt and set him straight on a few things. (I actually met his Sergeant-one of them-on graduation day while playing cards in the barracks and when he yelled our last name both my son and I answered “Yes Sergeant!”  It was pretty funny and it left his Sergeant tongue tied so he just walked away shaking his head.  Old habits die hard.)

I have found that part of being a parent is to work through the blame, to talk to yourself about all that has gone on in your life.  We all know that so much could have been different had we followed a different path, but would it have been better?  And who would it have been better for?  This is what makes a grandparent so unique and wonderful. We know that blame is an ugly monster, we try to advise, mentor and oversee from a distance (usually) when it comes to our children and their own interactions with their young ones.  We can blame ourselves for so much and accept the blame of others for what has happened in life.  But at the same time, we can, without any remorse, accept with open arms the love; joy and happiness that comes from having children who grow up and carry on with our teachings.  There is no blame in giving birth to a warrior and certainly no shame.  If this were the time of the ancients I would be like a woman of Sparta having given birth to 3 sons.  Yet, even a Spartan is not beyond the reach of the heart, we are human and blaming ourselves for anything and everything will never stop.  We live with it, we deal with it and we move on, different then we once were, eventually.


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