Well, the word is official, Camp Mamaw wilI be open right after Christmas when I will be taking care of my granddaughters for a few days while their Mom gets some much needed R&R. I remember when I was younger with 3 little boys at home, I loved having a few days without my husband and kids around too. However, they were few and far between as there was usually one baby at home when the others came of age to go hunting with Dad. Maybe thats why my Mom would take one or two when they got a little older for a shopping trip or a McDonalds run. Maybe my hair wouldn’t have been so whacked out looking at times and I wouldn’t have hidden in my office when everyone was asleep if I had gotten a spa weekend or something similar when the boys were small!
This is one of the things that you can do for your daughter/son-in-law while their spouse is deployed. Take their child/children for at least a full 24 hours and have some fun. When my granddaughters come over and spend the night sometimes we have themed nights. It’s easier for me to plan when I have a theme, that habit was formed when my sons were little and we had to have Power Ranger Birthdays, or Cowboy Birthdays, etc. When the girls come over, we might have a movie night. I’ll make plenty of popcorn and we pretend that the couch is the car and we’re at the drive-in (they don’t really know what one of those are since they’re not too common anymore), but we cuddle on the couch, I ”drive” us to the theater and we watch the movie together. We have a bakers day to make cookies, the icing is easy to make too for them to use, just powdered sugar and a little water. We’ve also had “beauty salon night” painting nails and using the footbaths. They love to use the scented lotions, it makes them feel so grown up. The most fun was taking out the tea cups for apple juice, crystal bowls for fruit and yogurt and the special girly flower plates for breakfast. I was their waitress and they were the pricesses. They ate everything the “hate” to eat at home and they talked about it for days!
We’ve made blanket fortresses in the bedroom just like I did when I was little and then taught my boys how to do as well. We use all the blankets from the hall closet and drape them from the bunkbed down to a chair, hold it in place with books and then get the flashlights and read or tell ghost stories. The boys loved this, they would even take the dog (our black lab) in there and sleep all night, cuddled with her.
My point is that as a parent of a deployed soldier, I know it’s hard to have your child out facing danger on a daily basis. To have your spouse away from home any length of time is hard enough if they are gone on a business trip, but knowing that you won’t have them at home for months at a time, and having to deal with the bills, kids, work and everyday life decisions can be taxing enough, but knowing in the back of your mind that he/she is thousands of miles away, sleeping with a gun by their side instead of you must be terrifying. I had actually thought about this before and have offered to watch the girls when I can, but it was brought home to me about a week ago when I took my daughter-in-law and my granddaughters to see an area in our hometown where there is a neighborhood that decorates for Christmas. Each home has painted, wooden cutouts of different storybook/movie figures and each house is strung with lights. I used to take my sons every year to this neighborhood when they were little and they would be in awe of the beauty and shout out each characters name, just like my granddaughters did that evening.
Since it was dark, the truck was cloaked in that magical time when you can tell a secret, feeling that without the harshness of daylight showing every worry line that your face is wearing, that it’s fine to share. That’s when my daughter-in-law told me how she cries at night, missing my son. She sleeps with their girls in one big bed to keep them close every night. She told me about a song on the local country music station that makes her cry every time she hears it. Now, I’m not ignorant of the fact that she misses him, I know they both miss each other immensely. I just never heard her speak it out loud, in this way, to any one. She told me about the arguments they have some times when he calls, about the little things, and how sometimes she feels like she does nothing right. All of it came to the surface, and when I looked over at her I saw a little girl in a womans body crying out for some reassurance that he would be okay and that what she was doing was right.
We talked all the way home about being a parent, how hard it is to know if what you are doing is the right thing. We talked about love, marriage and hope for the future. I reminded her that he was stressed too, that he worrys about his family, if the girls are okay and that he misses her more then he may actually say in the words she might want to hear. He had called me when he first deployed and asked me to check in on her, which I have done since he has been gone, to keep his mind at ease. Heck, I used to visit them all the time when they lived downstairs from me so of course I was going to call or text her when she moved in with her parents! We had a really good time that evening, sharing our thoughts, feelings and yes, our fears. We spoke woman-to-woman about the man that we share a love for, my son-her husband. I used to put bandaids on his little cuts and kiss his bruises, I held his little hand through the years, and wiped away his tears of childhood disappointments. She holds his hand and his heart now in a way that no one else can. They argue and make up, they call me to tell me and I offer support, never taking sides but letting them know I am listening. They’re young and have the trials and tribulations that every married couple has, with a twist, like so many other military families. Neither one of them may be aware of it, but I knew that when I handed him over that he was in good hands.
So Camp Mamaw will be up and running again in a few days and I’m making sure that we have plenty of air-drying clay, crayons, colorbooks and fingerpaints. Their dad is finally coming home after being gone for a year and we need to get busy making the welcome home signs and showing him that we all have missed him more then he will ever know.
Well, here we go, having to plan another Holiday without my son being here to join in. I know that I am not the only one who is going/gone through this but you see, he is my oldest and well, this time of year brings a lot of memories flooding back. When he was born there were a lot of complications and he was in intensive care for 10 days. After that, there were years of hearing tests, eye sight tests, and he grew up just fine with no problems besides the occasional cold and other childhood dilemmas that we all go through. But I think back to the times when we were so relieved that he was okay. All of the prayers we prayed, and all of the times we were up all night worrying about him. And now that he’s not going to be here for me to hug and see in person, well, I’m sending out the prayers every morning and every night and worry just like I did in the beginning.
So, of course, I finished my shopping early because I hate the dreaded malls at this time of year anyway and I had to send over his Christmas Stocking to make sure he got it in time. In fact, I sent over two, one for him and one with the specific instructions that he was to pass it along to someone who does not receive a lot of mail or goodies. We also sent over a box of decorations. I found a small silver tree at the Dollar Store and took it out of it’s box and stuffed it into a box along with ornaments, garland, bows and such. I figured at the very least he could decorate his bunk and maybe all the guys would get a kick out of the small tree. We mostly sent over food items that he won’t be able to buy as easily like large bags of sunflower seeds (salt is good for you in the desert heat), and breath mints (enough said about that!) as well as candy canes, etc. I took mine over on the 2nd and mailed it out to be sure it would get to him in time if not early so that they could enjoy those decorations.
Besides, I had to get it mailed before my Mom got hers sent out. You see, we have a little competition going on here at home. It’s not spoken of between us but we both know it’s here, lurking about in the shadows. My boys are my boys but, well, it’s Grandma and we all know that no matter what Mom cooks/says/does Grandmas always tastes/sounds/seems just a little more special. That’s why my granddaughters love my cookies and cakes so much, it’s from Mamaw!
Well, at Thanksgiving, when I showed my Mom the two stockings that I had gotten together she looked up from her turkey and stuffing and just sorta studied them, her eyes narrowed, she nodded and I knew the game was on! She ate quitely and I put the stockings away, it was like a Clint Eastwood movie with the two gunfighters sizing each other up outside of the local saloon. I knew she couldn’t go shopping on Thanksgiving, ho, ho, so I was at least a day ahead of her. Little did I know that I would end up being sick over the entire Holiday and my 4 days off with that darned flu which would be to her advantage! My six shooter was empty and she had extra ammo because her check is automatically deposited on the 1st of every month! (Let me point out, my mother is very spry and quick thinking, this is a 78 year old woman who volunteers at the local hospital’s ER 3 days a week and the county courthouse because she misses the chaos of having all of her sons and their friends around.)
Well, I knew jig was up, I saw that twinkle in her eyes! I am not one to shy away from a little friendly competition so dragging myself off to the post office two days later when my fever started to subside, I picked up those free priority mail boxes and hurried home constantly glancing in the rearview mirror of my pickup truck for her little economy car to sneak up on me! I actually had to repack those boxes about 3 times to fit everything in them but it all fit. Oh yeah, it all fit in, every nook and crannie was filled up. I figured I would take them to the post office the next day, her pay day, to mail them off and beat the rush of the 4th and well before the actual final drop dead mailing deadline of the 11th. I wanted to make sure my son got his packages in time. I knew she was going to be out shopping so I had to mail them quick! As luck would have it, I felt awful that morning but I got up and went to work. Totally forgetting to take the packages with me when I rushed out of the house! Karma is such a bugger some times!
I got the phone call the next afternoon; “she” had gone to the infamous Dollar Store as well, and, oh my goodness, how did this happen, ended up purchasing THREE stockings and filled them as well!!! Clint, you sneaky devil…you ain’t got a thing on Grandma! Of course Grandma didn’t know how that happened, how she ended up with just one more then I did, hmmmm. Now, how to pack all those goodies and make sure they got to him in time? Asking me “oh, did you mail yours yet?” in her sweetest Grandma voice. I got chills on my spine and goosebumps on my arms, the hair stood up on the back of my neck. Then I smiled, that satisfied, half-cocked Elvis smile. Oh yeah, I mailed mine already. I knew the deadline, I knew the perfect post office to take them to with no lines and knew the exact time they would be empty with no waiting. I didn’t forget them at home this time. I mailed them at lunch on the 2nd, two days before the deadline. Oh yeah, baby, they’re gone.
Tha’s when guilt reared it’s ugly head and wiped that smile right off of my face! Being the good daughter and loving mother that I am, I let her know that the post office offered free priority mail boxes, told her how to fill out the customs forms and even asked if she needed me to help her pack them. She knew she had won, I even heard the bell ding-ding on the side of the ring, the round was over. She had me, she knew it, I could hear it in her voice. Sigh. She mailed them out on the 3rd and they should reach their destination in time as well. The bottom line is, my son and at least a few of his buddies are going to receive those stockings, cards and love that was sent over by us never knowing how close a call was had getting them to the post office on time. Enjoy fellas! Wait a minute-the drop dead date is the 11th so that means…….Oh and Valentine’s Day is coming …..
Mamaw
Hat/tip to Mamaw - who sent me this. This just makes me so ANGRY! PZ readers - let’s get on this - we did a great job with PFC Levine - Soldier’s Angels is one of the best groups/supporters of the military that I know. I’m a very proud Angel myself, as is Mamaw, Tech Mama, SemperFiWife, Some Soldier’s Mom and so many other friends. (click on the title of the post to open)
Blankets of Hope for the troops stolen: Please help!
By Michelle Malkin • December 5, 2008 09:08 AM
This story has me cursing in my coffee this morning: Linda Ferrara, a California mother of a soldier killed in Afghanistan with three other sons in the military, organizes charity blanket drives for the troops. She and other volunteers hand-sewed patriotic blankets and other items worth an estimated $8,000. Ferrara had stored them in her RV while preparing to send them off. Over the weekend, some asshole(s) (pardon my language) broke into the vehicle and stole all the goods.
After her son died fighting country, Linda Ferrara wanted to do something for soldiers like him who sacrifice their safety for others.
So in the year since Army Capt. Matthew Ferrara was killed in Afghanistan, his mother has dedicated hours collecting clothes and crafting handmade blankets for wounded soldiers overseas. The Torrance resident had planned to ship the goods Wednesday to an Army hospital in Germany. Instead, she’s despondent over the weekend theft of hundreds of socks, sweat shirts, pajama pants, boxers, blankets and other items. “I don’t want to let them down,” Ferrara said. “This wasn’t just stuff, this was going to wounded soldiers.”
…Soldiers’ Angels is an organization through which people can send care packages to soldiers overseas. In Germany, Phillips supports wounded and sick troops undergoing treatment at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center.
Many of them are transferred there directly from the front lines and have nothing more than the clothes on their backs, Ferrara said.
Already involved with the West Point Parents Club of Orange County, Ferrara recruited support from other parents and volunteers to collect items for the wounded soldiers.
Her RV was packed with boxes, and the Parents Club had printed thank-you letters to the “wounded warriors” to be distributed with the clothes.. On Sunday morning, Ferrara first realized something was amiss when she found empty boxes outside the RV and her inventory lists on the ground. Inside, she discovered almost all the collected items missing. Also, some of the letters were torn to shreds.
Compton sheriff’s deputies took a report and fingerprints, she said.
Her insurance company has told her not to expect help. Because she planned to give the items away, they technically didn’t belong to her and aren’t covered by her policy.
You can help:
Ferrara says the organization can accept cash donations or brand new items because the Military hospital does not allow used goods.
I was at the Dollar Store today looking for some Holiday decorations to send to my son overseas because this is the very first Christmas that he won’t be here at home. I started to think of all the other Christmases when he was little and how I always bought each one of my boys an ornament with the year on it that represented what their major interest was that particular year. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, the Baby’s First Christmas 1981, a Football hero, 1994, etc. But there was always one for each year for each one of the boys. I always bought them at the local Hallmark store and couldn’t wait for them to put it on the tree which was hard for me to do, the waiting that is, because I’m an early Holiday shopper. So, while at the “D” store I put some items in the cart to send over to him because he more then likely won’t be home this year and that’s when it hit me. They had Christmas music playing and the song “I’ll be home for Christmas” was serenly wafting over the shoppers and I actually realized that I wouldn’t see him….at all….for the first time, in 26 years. I had to blink a few times and swallow my tears because well, quite frankly, I can’t read labels without my glasses anyway and people always look at you strangely when you cry in the store because they don’t know what is wrong with you.
So, not wanting to make a spectacle of myself I concentrated on trying to read the labels of some peanut snacks and then figured the hell with it, threw them into the cart and kept on going. (After I got home I realized the labels were in Spanish!) So I was shopping for home and shopping for him, trying to find what I could for him that would remind him of home while he is there in the sand. Then I found the black beanie caps and bought six of those because I figured he would have a few buddies who could use a new beanie cap at Christmas. I know, I know, it’s like getting underwear for a present which is a no-no in our house, but that is all that they had at that particular store.
I also purchased some sparkly blue snowflake ornaments, some candy, a summer sausage and crackers to send over. That’s when I spotted the Christmas stockings. Hmmm, I thought, it would be great to get one for each of the guys in the platoon, but I can’t afford 20 much less 150 of those by myself and fill them up with goodies too for the ones with him who have no one to send them anything. That’s when I thought it would be a great challenge to see how many people I could get (entice? challenge? badger?) to go out and buy a Christmas stocking for a soldier and fill it with things like socks which are a true necessity now, or a black stocking cap, candy, cards, crakers, cookies, whatever!
When my boys were younger, we would always go to the local mall and each one of them would find a name on the tree of a child their age in need, and I would pick a mom and we would set out to find them something for their Christmas. We would take our time and pick the “perfect present” and then take it back to be placed under that huge tree and then we would go have lunch knowing that we had done something for someone we didn’t know but cared enough about to send them a little happiness.
After the “D” store today, my next trip was to Wally World (Wal-Mart) to see how the prices and selection were there, and lo and behold, they have a ton of stuff for $1.00 that would fit perfectly in a stocking, and they have ornaments with the year on them as well. I was truly a happy camper! So, even though I will be baking cookies again for them, I will be sending a couple of stockings too. My thought is, how about others? Do you think we are all up for a little challenge? Let’s see what we can do for those who are unable to be home with their loved ones this year. Especially the single soldiers. Let’s send a little bit of home, a little bit of happiness for them to share. I would love to know if you are able to do this, I think it would be a great way to start out the Holiday season. Even if you don’t know their name, if you know someone, anyone, who is serving away from home, send them two, three or four stockings (get your family, friends, work involved) and send them to your loved one with instructions to pass them along to others. I know that Soldier’s Angels also has items that can be purchased and you can adopt a soldier through them too.
And while we’re at it, maybe we could all contact the Red Cross and set up a date to donate the gift of life as well. We have set up the 18th thru the 22nd in our area, in honor of a soldier we received word about who was injured in October. It is our way of giving back, maybe the only way we have right now.
Mamaw
From Mamaw - an announcement.
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We’re Making History Today
I want to share something very exciting with you.
Today, IAVA is launching a ground-breaking Public Service Announcement (PSA) campaign with the Ad Council. This historic, multi-year, national effort is aimed at easing the transition for veterans returning home from combat.
Even if you’re not familiar with the Ad Council, you know their work. They have been behind some of our country’s most iconic PSA campaigns, including Smokey the Bear, “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk”, and “A Mind is A Terrible Thing to Waste”. Now, they’ve teamed up with IAVA to create the largest campaign to date focused on veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan.
And at the center of this campaign is a new private social network, exclusively for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans, at CommunityOfVeterans.org.
Please help us spread the word about this historic campaign. Forward this email to your friends and family members, and tell the veterans in your life to check out CommunityofVeterans.org.
Together, we have the potential to dramatically improve the lives of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans and their families nationwide.
Thank you for standing with us, and Happy Veterans Day.
About Veteran’s Day:
My father served in the Army and my Grandmother (his mom) was an Army nurse at Lettermans in SF. Combine this with numerous family members that have served in almost every war, well, we have a lot of tradition regarding Veteran’s Day. When I was younger and one of my brothers was serving in Vietnam, I came to know what war was and later what a Veteran was as well. Although he came home with his body intact, we learned first-hand what PTSD was, although there wasn’t a name for it at the time. Since my brothers were all older than me, I was the one left at home to help pour the concrete in our back yard for our flag pole and when it was finished, who helped my Dad fly our American Flag for the first time. I remember how proud he looked when he pulled that halyard to raise the flag and when he tied it off, he just looked up at it for a while, in silence. I know now that he wasn’t really there with me, but that he was with his buddies and thinking of my brother in Vietnam right then. My dad never spoke about WWII and what he saw and all my brother would say about Vietnam was that he was glad he was home. My Mom lived in Oakland, California during the Korean War (she was in High School) and she would tell us stories about the black outs, the sirens and being so scared that she would run home as quickly as possible. Other than that all that my Mom has ever said about the Korean War was that so many of her high school friends perished that she had vowed to never wear black again. That makes you stop and think.
When one of my brothers became an Airborne Ranger was when I took more of an interest in the military and was planning on joining when I graduated from high school. (I didn’t sign up but that’s another story.) This particular brother, that I was used to playing army men with, that I would bug the heck out of while he was in Boy Scouts, and followed every where was suddenly a soldier. I couldn’t wait for him to come home from bootcamp! I collected military patches, learned how to make a tight, smooth rack and joined the U.S. Naval Sea Cadets when I was in high school. I even asked for and got a GI Joe for my 6th birthday!
Because of my dad, we were raised to respect and honor our flag and knew what it represented. That’s what I have taught to my own sons. To me, honoring our Veterans isn’t about flying the flag on certain holidays but knowing when, how and where to display it properly and why. It means knowing what it stands for and how it came to be. To me, because of our Veterans, those who fought for liberty, freedom at all costs, who stood up for what is right and led the way, no matter what the odds were, they deserve our respect no matter what. They are, and were, the ones putting their life on the line so that the rest of us can enjoy our day-to-day activities. Now that my oldest son is serving, I vowed to do all that I can as his parent to support him in this decision, to stand behind him cheering him on. To keep watch over his wife and daughters while he is gone as he asked me to. To thank every soldier I meet for their service to our country. He and others that are actively serving, and those who have served, need to know that we remember their service and that we appreciate all that they have done. I promised my son to do all that I can to help out here at home, visiting wounded soldiers when I can, volunteer at the USO or where ever to share a smile when needed, and to work along with, and help, other Moms and families, because we are all a part of keeping our Country strong, and because now, whether he knows it or not, he is my hero.
Sometimes it’s a little difficult being a Soldiers mom. He calls and forgets that I work during the day but that’s the only time he has to call. He forgets the time difference. So, now, when he calls, I take my break no matter what time of the day it is or what I am doing and believe me, right in the middle of reconciling the company bank account or invoicing customers it can take me a while to get back into the work groove. I find that my mind wanders after his phone calls because I’m busy looking at his picture on my desk of him in his uniform on boot camp graduation day. Some times he calls early in the morning, and when I say early, I mean 12:45 a.m. (last week to let me know he reenlisted) but today it was 6:20 a.m. and I should have already been awake getting ready for work. He was worried today, he hasn’t been able to get a hold of his wife who I had to drive over to and wake her up so she would recharge her cell phone to get the call. This is the fastest I have gotten ready in a long time too. So out I ran, wet hair, minimal makeup (I refuse to go out in public without at least mascara) to go wake her up. Thank goodness she just lives a couple of blocks away. He finally got through to her.
When he first enlisted it was hard for me because I knew what was coming with deployment. I wasn’t really thrilled but he has wanted to be a soldier since he was about 3 years old. My daughter-in-law and I flew over to see him graduate from boot camp which was really pretty cool. I was happy to see him and get to a Waffle House again! I miss both of them, but him more of course!!! The whole time though, my stomach was not doing so well. And then the nightmares started. When I say nightmares, what I mean is not really bad dreams but dreams I don’t remember but I would wake up with a wet face from crying in my sleep. A couple of times my youngest son would come in and wake me up because he could hear me talking in my sleep and crying-I didn’t remember a thing of what it was about. I went to the doctor because I was having little ailments for a while. The aching hip, constantly tired, crying for no reason, forgetting what I went to the store for, little things like that. Imagine, being pre-menopausal AND having your baby going through this. So, after bursting out in tears at the doctors office she prescribed something to help me sleep which I’m happy to say I haven’t had to take for about 7 months. Then there were the panic attacks at night when I would finally relax enough to go to sleep only to be awakened feeling claustrophobic so I used an inhaler once or twice. I found that breathing the cool night air helps a lot. So does meditating.
I think of the days when he was born and in intensive care at Stanford Hospital because of the knot in the umbilical cord and waiting to make sure he would okay. I think of all of the times he played soldier, superman and with his Thunder Cats. The days of Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, girlfriends, he and his friends having parties when we would go out of town thinking I didn’t notice how clean the house was when we got home. I think of the times he would fight with his younger brothers just because he could. I miss those days. But now he’s a daddy and I’m a grandma! Time sure flew by quickly. Too quickly.
I look forward to his messages that he emails me when he can, and the phone calls are cherished because I get to hear his voice. He tells me his worries, accomplishments and what he needs followed up with here at home. I tell him I love him and that the Angels are watching over him. No matter what I always tell him that everything is fine here at home. That his brothers are fine, grandma is doing well and we can’t wait to see him. He has enough to do and to worry about.
When he was able to come home last Christmas I was so happy to see him I started crying, so did he. I made everyone wait to open presents because we needed to have the whole family here. At 9:38 p.m. I heard those Army boots pounding up the steps and I was up off the couch reaching for the door just as he was bursting through it! I will never forget that evening. We won’t be able to see him this Christmas but maybe soon after, we’ll see what happens.
So, now I’m not just a mom anymore, I’m also the mom of an American Soldier. I hang my Blue Star Flag in my front window and I couldn’t be prouder!
Mamaw
