Parents Zone

Sometimes we forget, that every member of the family is affected by the decision one makes to join the military. The Moms and Dads… we remember our baby, our child and are so proud, and apprehensive, and worried, and then more proud. The brothers and sisters… how do they feel? I, for one, have no siblings, and we only had the one child. I always wondered how the siblings feel. Now, I’ll be able to learn that too.

Two young men have decided to write a blog whilst their big brother is in Basic Training! The Brothers Blog is a celebration of brotherly love for the soldier they miss and look up to. Anyone else have a siblings blog? If you do, please send the link. We’d love to put it on our Roll.

LAW

hey there.. its  TechMama here (aka Tammy )

Over on the Parents’ Zone Forums, MyMarine aka David started a thread of getting together to chat,etc.  If you haven’t visited our forums yet, please do so! You will need to register first if you’re not already. If you need any help, please don’t hesitate to contact me at tammy@newmediava.com 

 I think a chat is a great idea!! It’s quite funny that chatting was mentioned  because I’ve been wanting to get something like that put together. Thanks for the nudge to get it done! : )

Now what would you like to see??

Would you all prefer a chat room type of thing (typed or you can speak if you have a mic hooked up to your computer) or would you prefer a call in phone line type of thing? I can make it a combination of both. You let us know what you need!  I can make happen relatively easy . I of course I  would be available for any necessary tech support.  : ) 

What would work best with everyone’s schedules? Daytime? Nighttime? Day of the week?

Thanks,

Tammy aka PZ’s TechMama

PS Spouse Buzz Live is coming to Virginia Beach/Norfolk area Saturday September 6th! Come out and meet LAW & TechMama. You can find out more information at Spouse Buzz Live Of course, at least one of us will be blogging about it live! : )

 

So it’s official. (Actually it was official a week ago, but I think I needed some time to consider what that meant.) My daughter, Sevilla, has been selected to deploy for 365 days. I’m not going to say where she’s going or what she’ll be doing, since I have no idea what is (or isn’t) covered by OPSEC (operational security, for those of you who don’t speak military acronyms). She won’t deploy for a while, so I have some time to get used to the idea; but she will deploy.

Now being who I am, I’ve already started looking at the practical impacts of her deployment. Sevilla’s a single parent, so obviously the biggest concern was her daughter. Of course, we will be ready, willing, and able to look after the Princess while her mom is serving her country. It won’t be much of a change, since the Princess lives with us anyway. She’ll attend the same school. She’ll sleep in the same bed. She’ll enhance the lives of her Grandparents; just like she does now. The only difference will be that her mom will be away for a while. I’ve already started to make plans on how to minimize the impact to the Princess. Sevilla and I have already considered a blog for the Princess (restricted to family and friends) as a way for her to post her thoughts and pictures and “stuff” in order to communicate with her mom. I also know that communication these days is quite different from when I was a kid and my dad had to rely on flimsy airmail paper and reel-to-reel tapes to communicate with his family. With the internet, email, webcams, and telephones, it should be fairly easy for Sevilla to keep in touch with the Princess. I also know, though, that it’s not the same and that my husband and I will have to try to fill a place in the Princess’ life that can be filled by only her mother. From the practical side, it will be tough; but thousands of kids, mothers, and grandparents have already dealt with a deployed parent and survived. We will, too.

Being who I am, I’m having a lot more trouble dealing with the “inside” impact. I’m not sure why. After all, my husband and my son have already deployed, and I was able to deal with their deployment (eventually). I know that I am proud of her and her choice to serve. I know that I think she’s doing the right thing for the right reasons. I know that I envy her the chance to do something that both of us consider very important. What I don’t know is how I really “feel” about it. For some reason, I seem to have decided not to feel. I don’t know why. Perhaps it is because there is still some time before she actually leaves. Perhaps it is because I know it will be difficult for me. All I know is that I don’t want to “feel” anything about Sevilla deploying to a dangerous place until I have to. Is it a defense mechanism? Maybe. I just know that when I do allow myself to “feel,” those feelings will be extremely complex and will cover a wide-range of emotions. In the meantime, I’ll continue to plan for the practical “outside” aspects of Sevilla’s deployment and try to let the “inside” aspects sort themselves out. I’ve was able to do it when I watched my son go off to war. I can do it again as I prepare for my daughter to do the same.

Kathy - a reader of the site, a Mom of a soldier and an educator - sent us this.  Some very good information for deploying Guardsmen.   Thank you so much!

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As a new school year looms in the very near future, I think about those students whose educational journey may be interrupted…. The men and women of the National Guard. Although they understand from the start that their service and commitment is first and foremost to serve our country in time of need, this poses a distinct situation for those who are in the midst of their college education. As a soldier’s mom and an educator, I know without a doubt that knowledge is power. Here are some thoughts on this matter…

Orders for deployment come without concern for convenience. A student may find out that they will have to report for active duty in the middle of their course work. What happens then? First and foremost, student soldiers should know the institutional policy regarding military deployment. No student will be penalized for leaving the semester early for military duty, BUT they need to know if they will receive a grade for the work completed so far or merely a “W” on their transcript. Withdrawing from a course simply means that the student was granted the option to leave without penalty. Some institutions also add a “P” (for passing) or “F” (for failing) along with the W. Withdrawal simply means that the students overall grade point average (GPA) is not affected by the withdrawal. However, it would be good for the deploying soldier/student to know if they have to repeat the part of the course they’ve already completed, or if they will receive a grade to that point – the other option that some institutions grant. Again, knowing this policy ahead of time may make the decision to start the semester a bit easier. Good communication with the academic advisor, dean of students or director of the discipline is essential when deployment orders are received. Having written policy or documentation if exceptions are granted is also necessary for when the soldier returns to school. It is not enough to be told “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you when you get back”. People move on and nothing stays the same during deployment, so it is wise to ask for documentation of stop-out policies or re-admission policies, especially of professional programs with criteria for acceptance (health care programs – nursing, med school; law school, etc.).

Once the soldier/student returns to school, working with the institution’s VA officer becomes extremely important. Paperwork and forms must be filled out accurately so the soldier receives the full benefit he/she deserves. There is a difference in monthly benefits depending on which Montgomery Bill option is being applied for…..considerable differences. At some point, it is even wise to double check with the state VA educational officer - not just the local county officer, for assistance to make sure the soldier is applying to the appropriate program. Once paperwork is filed incorrectly, it takes an inordinate amount of time to correct the problem – meanwhile, the soldier is without benefits. Working with the guard unit’s readiness officer is also a good idea. In the past, I’ve also enlisted the help of the state representative of the Family Readiness Office. The most important point to pass along is don’t be satisfied with an attitude of “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know”……there are people who do know and can help, so seek them out.

That is only the business part of returning to school after deployment. A soldier who leaves campus for 2 semesters (or longer) also loses his/her spot among the relationships they’ve built to that point. If they’re an athlete, they come home to a different team; if a member of a cohort that is accepted into the major, now they are part of a different cohort. No soldier is penalized for being gone, but no one comes back to the same student group, social group or sometimes, even the same faculty and staff. This is another adjustment to the circumstances they are already making in their return to civilian life. Support during this time is critical. Awareness and acknowledgement of the soldier/student’s contribution to OIE or OEF should not be underestimated or undervalued.

These are just some points of interest that I wanted to pass along for the next soldier who is deploying during their college years. It is a situation that calls for attention to detail and information about benefits to assure ease in transition back to college life, as well as an understanding of the specific adjustments that this student is making in the name of freedom.

National Guard Parents – more on the invisible portion of the OnePercenters.

As a military parent, you become more and more aware of the gap between the military and the civilian worlds. Mostly, because you are trying to straddle it – and the gap grows and grows, as your child becomes a soldier, as they go for more training and become a Marine, as the ship farewells become a fact of life. But even in this little clan, there is a sub clan, that has a whole different and unique set of problems.

I write this, not only as the mom of a former soldier, but as the Army wife of a former National Guardsman. Our son was National Guard, then went Active (and is now out and dealing with the VA and all that fun [that’s a whole set of posts if you want them]) When my husband was deployed with the Guard to Iraq, many of the parents of the young soldiers in the Battalion were so lost, so full of questions, misconceptions and {some} anger.

At the last FRG meeting of our present Active Army unit, I was talking to a Major (National Guard) about to go downrange. He was musing on the fact that his child was in a school in which she was the only one who had a dad in the military. And I wondered how she is going to cope, although there are an awful lot of online aids for her, some chat rooms that are set up for these kids.

But that child’s grandparents? Where do they go? In our deployed National Guard situation, the FRGs were open to parents. But in our new duty station, at a recent briefing we held for some National Guardsmen that are attaching to our Active unit, the single young soldiers who were leaving didn’t want to come to listen/get information, because they didn’t “have anyone”. When I asked them, what about your mama, your dad, your grandmamma, they were stunned. For some reason, the impression is left with these young men and women that only wives and children are affected, only they are welcome to the briefings. I wanted so much to talk to their parents, to let them know they aren’t alone.

And that’s what one friend of mine told me – she was alone in her worry, her anger, her grief – surrounded by non military and in a situation she never thought she would be in. Her son was downrange with our NG unit, he’d only been Active for Basic and Advanced Training, and then came home and got on with his civilian life. Then activation, the usual mess with orders/pay, TriCare insurance for his spouse and baby {and yeah, all of them fouled up beyond all recognition}. Before she completely got a handle on it all, he was gone for training, then downrange. In that state, without a big base on it, the military is still a strange entity, a soldier in uniform in the grocery store is stared at, whispered about, little boys come up and ask if they killed anyone today. Her friends at work, at church, just didn’t know what to do, whether to say anything or keep silent and pretend, somehow, it all wasn’t happening.

We got her and more like her through it. Who was “we”? The more experienced wives, those for whom deployments weren’t something new, or those like me, who had been Active Army wives or Active Army parents. The lack of a place to go, to talk to others like her, was the catalyst for this site. This is where I ask for your help, your input. No, this isn’t Public TV or Radio pledge week (I do soooo hate that). It’s a request for your stories, your coping strategies. Don’t get me wrong, I love to write, I have some great co-authors here as well. But it’s not about me, or Some Soldiers Mom, or Lela, or SemperFi Wife. It’s about you, the mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, grandparents – of a serving member of our military. The Blue Star banner in the window, cell phone toting, proud families of the Guard.

Are you a parent of a Guardsman/woman? Have they been activated? Let us know how you are coping, write a post and email it to me for uploading at parentszone@gmail.com. We only learn from each other, your experience or your questions, can help another MilParent.

Each service has a set of “core values” the service has identified as important principles for its members to follow. These core values are taught during basic training, or officer training, and are reinforced throughout a member’s service. For the Air Force the core values are integrity first, service before self, and excellence in all we do. The Army has seven; loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage. The Navy and the Marine Corps share the same core values of honor, courage, and commitment. The Coast Guard has defined their core values as honor, respect and devotion to duty. These are not just slogans or words to be thrown around. These values are part of what makes a military member. They should be incorporated into the member’s belief system, and become a part of the member’s character. As the Army says, “Army values are not just what we do, they are who we are.”

Each person has a value system. Values help us identify those things that are important in our lives. Values are taught by parents, family, friends, teachers and (perhaps unfortunately) our culture and society. Values may be based on religious teachings, or may reflect political ideation. Some values are superficial and may change over time as a person grows or matures. But a person’s core values reflect what is deeply important to them, and will usually stay with a person for life. So why do each of the services identify core values and teach them to new recruits during basic training and new officers during the commissioning process? Why are core values emphasized over the course of a person’s military experience? Because learning the core values helps a civilian transition into a strong, ethical, and trustworthy member of the military; ready to complete the mission assigned. As the Marines explain, once a person has earned the title of Marine, they become a Marine, and a Marine’s character is defined by the Corps’ values.

What do the values say about the character we want our Soldiers, Sailors, Airman, Marines and Coast Guardsman to have? Many of the services have the same or similar core values. It may be that the services’ core values reflect the services’ mission. It may be that the services’ core values reflect the values of that person all of us should strive to become, giving us similar ideals to value. To understand a member of the military, it may be helpful to understand the core values they’ve been taught.

Most of the services include honor as one of their core values. For Marines, the value of honor requires each individual Marine to demonstrate the ultimate standard of ethical and moral conduct, as well as uncompromising personal integrity. We expect that of Marines, because they expect it of themselves. An honorable Marine would never do anything to sully the reputation of the Corps. For the Navy, the value of honor also requires much the same thing; honesty, truthfulness, integrity, and accountability. The Coast Guard also identifies honor as a core value and defines honor much the same way as the other two sea services. According to the Coast Guard, honor is uncompromising ethical conduct and moral behavior. It is being loyal and accountable. For the Army, the value of honor means living up to Army values of respect, duty, loyalty, selfless service, integrity and personal courage.

The Air Force core value of integrity is similar to the other services’ value of honor. For the Air Force, integrity is the foundation for all the other values. Integrity is doing the right thing at all times and being honest with yourself and others; even when no one is looking. Integrity requires no compromise. The Army also lists integrity as a core value, and defines integrity as doing what’s right, both legally and morally. It is adherence to principles and will allow others to trust.

For Marines, courage, is considered “honor in action” and is based on moral strength, the will to do what’s right regardless of what others may do, and the willingness to take a stand. Courage is what carries Marines through the perils and hardships of combat. For the Navy, the value of courage helps a Sailor meet the demands of the mission, even when it’s hazardous, demanding or difficult. Courage is doing the right thing, even in the face of adversity. For the Army, having the value of personal courage means being able to endure physical stress and being able to face moral fear. It also means being able to risk personal safety.

The final value for the sea services is commitment. For Marines, commitment is considered total dedication to the Corps and to the Country. It’s also about teamwork with other Marines, to never give up, never give in, and never accept second best. It is selfless determination and relentless dedication to excellence. The value of commitment is what is behind the well-known saying that “once a Marine, always a Marine.” For the Navy, commitment has a slightly different meaning. For a Sailor, the value of commitment means respecting the chain of command and looking out for the welfare of other Sailors. It also means showing the highest degree of moral character and technical competence. The Coast Guard defines commitment in terms of devotion to duty. A Coast Guardsman exists to serve and serves with pride. For a Coast Guardsman, a devotion to duty is a commitment to achieving the mission.

The Army’s core values of loyalty and respect seem to be similar to the value of commitment. The Army values loyalty to both the country, the Army, and other Soldiers. Army also values respect, which requires a Soldier to treat others as they would be treated and being able to trust that others will do their jobs. The Coast Guard also defines respect as a core value. For Coast Guardsman, respect means working as a team by treating others with fairness, dignity, and compassion.

The Air Force has a core value of service before self. Service requires dedication to the mission and a sense of service before self, often requiring personal sacrifice. The Army also has a core value for selfless service; putting the welfare of the nation, the Army, and other Soldiers before your own.

Finally, the Air Force values excellence. For an Airman, excellence means the care of resources and the technical competence to accomplish the mission in the best way possible. The Air Force value of excellence is similar to the Army core value of duty. For a Soldier, duty is defined as fulfilling obligations, without taking shortcuts.

In some respects, all of these core values can be boiled down into a single concept: at the end of the day, can the Airman, Soldier, Sailor, Marine or Coast Guardsman in the mirror and be able to say, “I served by doing it the right way, the best way I knew how.” It’s those who learn that simple concept that truly serve.

From Lela - she has been  following the progress of an injured service member who is in the burn ICU at BAMC in San Antonio and has corresponded with his mother a couple of times.  His mom posts notes about his progress on Caring Bridge, a website specifically for that purpose.  Yesterday, one of the posts was pretty good.  She  listed a number of contact points and websites for people who want to donate money or frequent flyer miles for wounded warriors or their families.  This is a great way to let everyone know about these programs.  So please - pass these on, feel free to link to us or copy the list.

 

 

I remember, while either of my soldiers was deployed, wondering what they were doing.  Like most of us, I used to look at my watch and figure out the time wherever they were.  At the time, I wasn’t blogging - while our son was in Baghdad I was only up to emailing, hadn’t discovered the blogosphere.   Anyway - I always wondered what he or his dad were doing (dad was in Bosnia).  Weekends were harder, I didn’t have work/school to think about - ok, so I was avoiding homework! - and I kept hoping for calls.

How about you?  How are you coping with wondering?  Let us know, Let other parents know any good coping mechanisms!

LAW

We cry. We cry when they haven’t called or written and we cry when they do. We cry because we miss them and because we are so frightened for them. We cry when they leave and when they return and then leave again… We find that the smallest of things make us teary-eyed… walking in their room… seeing a picture… seeing a soldier. Watching the news, reading the news, hearing the news. Yes, we cry. There’s nothing like a good cry to set your head straight. Our soldiers get used to it — they don’t understand — but they know it just is.

Although we send one child (and my heart knows no limits to the compassion I feel for those mothers with two or more service members in the war!), we adopt many more… and eventually ALL soldiers — every soldier, sailor, marine, airman — become our sons and daughters.

We can not see a soldier anywhere without approaching them and thanking them and telling them that we, too, have a soldier…. because we all know that all soldiers have the same blood and speaking with that soldier makes us feel like we are talking to our soldier. We hug them if they let us — and we hug them whenever we can. And we know somewhere there is a mom thanking us for taking the time to talk to (and for hugging) her soldier. She would do the same for me.

If we can not speak to that John Doe soldier, we smile wistfully… we get a pang… and our eyes may fill with tears knowing that when we look at that soldier, we are looking at our own soldier. Ask any soldier’s mom — she’ll tell you… It’s a universal response.

And mixed with this fear and longing is pride. Indescribable pride for these children of ours. Pride that they made the choice to serve. Pride that they accepted the challenge and met it spectacularly! Pride that they do their jobs under the most extraordinary of circumstances. We often ask ourselves, “Did I raise this person?” “How could I have done things so right?” We know we are blessed to have these spectacular creatures in our lives.