Sometimes the act of asking for help can be more difficult than just doing the task yourself. Military families are not strangers to adjusting family roles and taking on extra responsibilities, especially during times of deployment. Asking for help and allowing yourself to receive help can be two of the most challenging aspects of adjusting your life while your soldier is deployed. There are several reasons why it is important to share your burdens, and ways to go about it that won’t leave you feeling helpless or alone.

Why Accept Help?

Whether you are the spouse, sibling, child, or parent of a soldier, your life alters when your soldier is deployed. The contributions your soldier would typically make at home, both tangible and emotional, can’t easily be replaced. However, allowing those around you to help you not only eases your responsibility load, but it can give someone who is helping a feeling of contributing to more than just your family. For those people without loved ones in the military, assisting those who do have soldiers in their lives can be one way they are able to support military families and the troops. Perhaps one of the biggest reasons of all, though, why accepting help is a positive thing, is that it will give peace of mind to your soldier to know that you are not alone and that you are supported.

How Can You Ask for Help and Receive It?

First and foremost, don’t just dismiss offers of help or generosity. You don’t need to accept on the spot, but you can let the person know that you appreciate the kindness and that there might be a time in the future when you need the help. You can even ask what the best way is to get ahold of them – phone, email, or other – so that if the need arises you have some way of reaching them and accepting help.

When someone says, “Let me know if there is anything I can do,” you might be tempted to shout, “Make this deployment over today!” However, try to refrain asking nearly the impossible, and instead find some little ways that others might help ease your stress level. These things might be:

• Drive the kids to practice one day a week.
• Provide a meal one day a week.
• Help with a home maintenance project, even as simple as rearranging furniture.
• Assist with yard work.
• Help with pet care – walking the dog and checking in on pets can be ways for even kids to help share the responsibilities at home.
• Be available to listen to the stress so you don’t have to dump on the kids or someone who is going through the same stresses as you are already.
• The list goes on and on!

You can even keep a list handy of “one time” things that you need help with that normally your soldier would be there to do. Keep another list of people who you know are willing to help with certain tasks, and one more list of people who have simply offered to do anything. Even though you might never call upon these people, having the tangible proof that you are surrounded by support can ease stress.

It is important to remember that even if someone hasn’t offered to help, it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t ask. Sometimes people are just waiting for the invitation because they don’t want to offend you and present an image that they don’t think you are capable. You can also seek out other sources of support from places such as:

• Churches
• Community outreach programs
• Neighborhood groups
• Online forums
• Military resources
• Family
• Co-workers

Asking for help is not easy for most people, but if we can pay it forward and offer help to others, sometimes that action allows us to accept help at some point in our own lives. In the end it is much better to swallow a little pride, accept the generosity of friends and strangers alike, and take care of yourself as your soldier would want to be able to take care of you.

Photo credit: Tom

What is it?

Soldiers, veterans and survivors of those whose service was involuntarily extended under Stop Loss between September 11, 2001 and September 30, 2008 can apply to receive $500 for every month, or portion of a month, they served under Stop Loss. The 2009 War Supplemental Appropriations Act established and largely funded the payment for all military services, but dictated that each service process and pay their own applicants. The Army estimates that 136,000 of the approximately 174,000 eligible servicemembers served in the Army.

What has the Army done?

The Army has created an application process for active-and-reserve component Soldiers, veterans, and survivors of Soldiers to process claims for Retroactive Stop Loss Special Pay. By law, the Army can only accept claims between October 21, 2009 and October 21, 2010. Eligible candidates must submit their request within this time frame, or the Army will not be able to process their request. The Army has set up an email address to field questions people have regarding the benefit.

How can people apply?

Candidates for Retroactive Stop Loss Special Pay must submit a claim at Retroactive Stop Loss Web site . This Web site is the preferred method for submitting applications; however, other means for doing so, such as by mail or fax, will be available to those without access to computers. Additional communications will provide instructions for alternative forms of submission. During the application process, candidates will be asked to show documentation that indicates the time they served under Stop Loss. The necessary documentation, depending on their type of service, includes the following:

What continued efforts does the Army have planned for the future?

The Army will review, process and pay qualified candidates as they submit their applications at Retroactive Stop Loss Web site. Candidates who meet the criteria and show the required documentation will receive their retroactive payment in a one lump sum. The Army will not accept applications submitted after October 21, 2010.

Resources: Retroactive Stop Loss Web site ]]> http://parentszone.org/2009/10/20/retroactive-stop-loss-special-pay/feed/ 11 http://parentszone.org/2009/07/11/soldiers-have-parents/ http://parentszone.org/2009/07/11/soldiers-have-parents/#comments Sat, 11 Jul 2009 21:21:29 +0000 http://parentszone.org/?p=729 We are a military family. All three of our sons enlisted while they were single (unmarried) and many of “Our Guys” (soldiers we consider family) have also been single. As a result, I have from time to time done some complaining about how about half of Army soldiers are UNmarried but that “family” resources and information were principally for spouses — parents left out of the loop. (I actually asked what was being done for the “other half” of the Army while participating in a blogger’s roundtable that included the Secretary of the Army…)

New to the Army? Help Keep Your Parents in the Loop

If you’ve just joined the Army and your parents aren’t familiar with military life, keep them in the loop with these materials:

• Resources for Parents of Soldiers
• When Your Son or Daughter Goes Through Basic Combat Training

The “Resources…” page provides links to official and unofficial web sites that you might, as a parent, find useful, but also be sure to check out blogs like ParentsZone.org and other military blogs (“Milblogs” — you can find blogs by branch of service as well as those blogs by parents at www.milblogging.com).

As the parent of a soldier, you should become familiar with some of the other resource information contained on other Army and Dept. of Defense sites for future reference… such as the Army Well-Being site and the Military Homefront page.

I’d really like the Army and the other services to produce content specific to parents (or non-spousal family) with the idea that these people are usually remote (away) from their soldier’s military installation and typically have no idea how to contact the installation or chain of command (or even who that might be) in an emergency… or what resources are available to their soldier/sailor/marine/airman/coastie or to the family member (be that a parent, aunt, uncle, sister or brother…) when faced with serious issues involving their child (for example, post-deployment issues). (And, yes, I know that there are those who actually joined the military to AVOID their parents… but every soldier has a next-of-kin somewhere — that are not “in the loop” but should be!)

I did also find some parent-related information for the other services (some official, some unofficial):

for Parents of Marines
A Parent’s Guide to the Marine Corps
USMC – Recruit Training
Marine Parents.com

For Navy Parents
Navy for Moms
Navy Dads

For Air Force Parents
Parents of the Enlisted

AF — you could do better… information or links for parents could easily be added to AFCrossroads.

For Coast Guard Parents (nice job CG!!)

For National Guard Families

General informational links for all branches, Guard and Reserves at Today’s Military and Military.com

]]> http://parentszone.org/2009/07/11/soldiers-have-parents/feed/ 5 http://parentszone.org/2009/04/17/where-is-daddy-military-child-month/ http://parentszone.org/2009/04/17/where-is-daddy-military-child-month/#comments Fri, 17 Apr 2009 20:56:25 +0000 http://parentszone.org/?p=551 My grandson will turn three in June, he frequently is asking now: “Where’s Daddy?” “When is Daddy going to take me swimming?” “I miss Daddy”. “Mommy, why isn’t Daddy here?”

When my daughter-in-law told me this, it broke my heart. She tries very hard not to cry in front of the baby because she knows he’s too little to understand how much mommies miss daddies too. She is also worried how they should handle yet another good-bye when my son has to return back to Iraq after R&R.

What is the right thing to do? Take him to the airport so he can give his Daddy one more hug? Leave him at home with Grandmom and Grandpop taking away one more precious Daddy and son moment?

One of the most moving photographs I have of them was taken the morning my son left to Iraq (last deployment) back in 2006. My daughter-in-law, holding the baby (then only 3 months old) sleeping peacefully, my son crisp in a brand new ACU, hair freshly cut, paratrooper fade, scarlet airborne beret in one hand and his other hand gently touching the baby’s head with a look on his face that still brings tears to my eyes today.

How do you explain the complexities of the world to a young child? Base after base, in every branch of the armed services, this same picture appears in the photo albums of all military families. It doesn’t matter the child’s age; every phase of childhood development presents a challenge to the military family.

Military children face many challenges, additionally increased stress related to deployments, less time spent with a parent or sometimes both and frequent moves.

A few weeks ago I wrote an article about the Sesame Street Program on military families. Below, you will find an annotated list of resources, each was examined and annotated (author’s notes and additions].

I would like to thank my fellow blogger “militaryhealth” (DoD, Military Health System Website) for the website I based this list on and dug in deeper for even more sources. These resources will give you tools and valuable information on what you can do to help your child overcome the unique challenges associated with military life. This post will be abbreviated(otherwise it would be way too long for the blog) and graphics reduced in size. You may view the complete/list plus my additions on my page in examiner.com (I am the Military Health Examiner, Miami) or on my blog (“military health matters, the blog”) or the “Families and Children” Page on Military Health Matters Resource Center.) Some of the descriptions have been taken from the US Department of Defense, Military Health System, “Kids Corner” Web page, some I have added/annotated, others I have abbreviated for the purpose of this post].

For Kids:

Kids.gov – An official U.S. government kids’ portal that provides resources to children and parents, and contains a variety of interesting and educational content for kids. Kids.gov links to over 1,200 web pages from government agencies, schools, and educational organizations.

America Supports You – Kids Take Action – Find out how kids like you are supporting our American troops.

CIA’s Parents & Teachers Page – This section gives you additional resources, lesson plans, and discussion points for you and your children/students to learn more about the CIA and its history of intelligence. [There are other CIA pages for Grades: K-5th and Grades 6th - 12th).]

FBI Working Dogs – The FBI has some very special working dogs. Power is the newest addition to the group of Working Dogs at FBI Headquarters. His job as a Chemical Explosives Dog is to sniff out bombs, explosion debris, firearms, and ammunition. Other FBI Working Dogs find drugs, money, and people. Just how do they do it? There are additional pages, Grades K-5 and Grades 6-12.

Special Needs – Military Homefront – Resources for special needs children from military families — newsletter subscription, mentoring groups, Webinars, resources, checklists, advocates, support programs and more.

Veterans History Project – (Library of Congress) – The Veterans History Project relies on volunteers to collect and preserve stories of wartime service. You can browse the first-hand accounts from veterans of some of the wars America fought in. (Also has Youth Resources Pages).

MTOM – MTOM for Kids provides information to help children successfully make the transition when their family moves. The site covers saying goodbye, how to move and being a kid. Sections are divided for younger children and teens.

Deployment Kids – Deployment Kids offers children’s activities related to deployment, including downloads, a distance calculator, journals and games. Really Cool downloads!!

Wacky Grownups! A great section for kids to understand how grown-ups feel during their loved ones deployment.

VA Kids – VA Kids offers a variety of games, resources, scholarship information and links for students in grades K through fifth and sixth through twelfth. Information is also provided for teachers, grades K-5, 6-12.

For Parents:

American Academy of Pediatrics - The American Academy of Pediatrics Military Youth Deployment Support Web site has been designed to support military youth, families, and the youth serving professionals caring for this population.

Our Military Kids – Provides support to the children of deployed and severely injured National Guard and Military Reserve service members. The site provides activities and tutoring that nurture and sustain children while their parents serve.

National Military Family Association – The NMFA educates military families about their rights, benefits and services available to them, and provides information regarding the issues that affect their lives. Excellent, information for all age children, teens, and spouses.

• Operation Military Kids – Operation Military Kids is the U.S. Army’s collaborative effort with America’s communities to support children and youth impacted by deployment.
• Excellent, with podcasts and YouTube presentations.
• 
• Military Child – Military Child Education Coalition is a non-profit organization that identifies and addresses the challenges facing the highly mobile military child.

Excellent resource: Publications : SchoolQuest; Military Parent Information; Child and Student Programs; Education, Training, and Resources; Coalition Partnerships; Blogs

Connect For Kids – Connect for Kids gives its Web site visitors the information and tools they need to learn about issues affecting children, families, and communities.

Transforming Kids’ Lives Through Free Arts Programs: Founded in 2001, ARTS is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization driven by people who believe in the power of the arts to heal, inspire and empower **check this site, has a form for children to communicate with their deployed fathers.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration – SAMHSA focuses on building resilience and facilitating recovery for people with or at risk for mental or substance use disorders.

For Professionals:

Zero to Three – Zero to Three informs, trains and supports professionals, policymakers and parents in their efforts to improve the lives of infants and toddlers. ZERO TO THREE Fact Sheet >Alerts of new content in the Zero to Three Journal

Military K-12 Partners – References and information for K-12 military education partners. Be sure to check out References & Guides and provides additional excellent resources! Military Life & Culture (2nd set of resources on page), includes studies and reports, legislative information, and a section on Grants & Funding.

Karen- Proud Army Airborne Mom!!

H-Minus!

 

 

Military Health Matters Resource Center,

Military Health Matters – “the blog”,

 

All children are precious, military children are precious angels.

]]> http://parentszone.org/2009/04/17/where-is-daddy-military-child-month/feed/ 4 http://parentszone.org/2009/01/10/disneys-salute-to-the-armed-forces/ http://parentszone.org/2009/01/10/disneys-salute-to-the-armed-forces/#comments Sat, 10 Jan 2009 22:22:39 +0000 ArmyHousehold6 http://parentszone.org/?p=359 I came across this resource and thought you might want to share it with your son/daughter/family member..

Walt Disney World has just introduced a special Armed Forces Salute Ticket for 2009. Each qualifying Military Service member* will receive a complimentary 5-Day “Disney’s Armed Forces Salute Ticket” with Park Hopper and Water Park Fun & More Options included. To receive the FREE ticket, visit any theme park Guest Relations window and show proper ID.

In addition to the free Armed Forces Salute Ticket, up to 5 of their guests can purchase for $99 a Disney’s Armed Forces Salute Companion (5 Day Base) ticket. Park Hopper or Water Park Fun & More option are available for $25 each (which is 50% off the normal price).

Companion tickets may be upgraded to Premium, Annual or Seasonal Passes. Seasonal Pass upgrade requires proof of Florida Residency.

Companion tickets may not be upgraded by adding the no expiration option, and you cannot add additional days to the passes.

Companion tickets may be purchased at any Disney World ticket window or guest services. You may also purchase tickets at Shades of Green, located at Walt Disney World or on your base (these two options are tax-free). If you purchase the tickets at Shades of Green or on base, you will receive a voucher that you will trade in once you arrive at a Walt Disney World ticket window.

Armed Forces Salute tickets will expire on 12/23/09 and have no block-out dates. Tickets may be upgraded anytime between January 4th -December 23, 2009 as long as there is usage left on the ticket.

The entire party needs to be present for purchase (Spouse or military dependents can receive the companion discount without the military service member being present as long as they have their military ID).

The military service member will need to show ID; Cast Member will ask for their Base’s name, and the State where the base is listed.

This offer is only available once per service member.

*This offer is available to anyone on active duty in the US Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard or Reserve, and retired military. Activated members of the National Guard and Reservists must present active duty orders in addition to valid military ID. You must have been active for any length of time between 1/1/08 and 12/23/09. Dept of Defense (CIA, FBI, Secret Service) and Coalition Forces are excluded

]]> http://parentszone.org/2009/01/10/disneys-salute-to-the-armed-forces/feed/ 2 http://parentszone.org/2008/12/06/scrooge-strikes-a-soldiers-angel/ http://parentszone.org/2008/12/06/scrooge-strikes-a-soldiers-angel/#comments Sat, 06 Dec 2008 00:01:24 +0000 Blog Staff http://parentszone.org/?p=320 Hat/tip to Mamaw – who sent me this.   This just makes me so ANGRY! PZ readers – let’s get on this – we did a great job with PFC Levine – Soldier’s Angels is one of the best groups/supporters of the military that I know.   I’m a very proud Angel myself, as is Mamaw, Tech Mama, SemperFiWife, Some Soldier’s Mom and so many other friends. (click on the title of the post to open)

Blankets of Hope for the troops stolen: Please help!

By Michelle Malkin  •  December 5, 2008 09:08 AM

Photo via Soldier’s Angels Germany

This story has me cursing in my coffee this morning: Linda Ferrara, a California mother of a soldier killed in Afghanistan with three other sons in the military, organizes charity blanket drives for the troops. She and other volunteers hand-sewed patriotic blankets and other items worth an estimated $8,000. Ferrara had stored them in her RV while preparing to send them off. Over the weekend, some asshole(s) (pardon my language) broke into the vehicle and stole all the goods.

The story is here at Soldier’s Angels and at the Daily Breeze.

After her son died fighting country, Linda Ferrara wanted to do something for soldiers like him who sacrifice their safety for others.

So in the year since Army Capt. Matthew Ferrara was killed in Afghanistan, his mother has dedicated hours collecting clothes and crafting handmade blankets for wounded soldiers overseas. The Torrance resident had planned to ship the goods Wednesday to an Army hospital in Germany. Instead, she’s despondent over the weekend theft of hundreds of socks, sweat shirts, pajama pants, boxers, blankets and other items. “I don’t want to let them down,” Ferrara said. “This wasn’t just stuff, this was going to wounded soldiers.”

…Soldiers’ Angels is an organization through which people can send care packages to soldiers overseas. In Germany, Phillips supports wounded and sick troops undergoing treatment at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center.

Many of them are transferred there directly from the front lines and have nothing more than the clothes on their backs, Ferrara said.

Already involved with the West Point Parents Club of Orange County, Ferrara recruited support from other parents and volunteers to collect items for the wounded soldiers.

Her RV was packed with boxes, and the Parents Club had printed thank-you letters to the “wounded warriors” to be distributed with the clothes.. On Sunday morning, Ferrara first realized something was amiss when she found empty boxes outside the RV and her inventory lists on the ground. Inside, she discovered almost all the collected items missing. Also, some of the letters were torn to shreds.

Compton sheriff’s deputies took a report and fingerprints, she said.

Her insurance company has told her not to expect help. Because she planned to give the items away, they technically didn’t belong to her and aren’t covered by her policy.

You can help:

Anyone who is interested in donating items for wounded soldiers can email Linda Ferrara at or visit the West Point Parent Club of Orange County web site.

Ferrara says the organization can accept cash donations or brand new items because the Military hospital does not allow used goods.

]]> http://parentszone.org/2008/12/06/scrooge-strikes-a-soldiers-angel/feed/ 4 http://parentszone.org/2008/12/01/sams-club-military-open-house/ http://parentszone.org/2008/12/01/sams-club-military-open-house/#comments Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:00:40 +0000 http://parentszone.org/?p=312 To make the holidays merrier for members of the military, Sam’s Club is hosting open houses for them — including both retired and active service members. Military personnel can shop and save on their holiday meals and gifts at Sam’s Clubs WITHOUT A MEMBERSHIP and they will waive the 10% non-member service fee at checkout! The Military Open Houses will be held December 1 and Dec. 15 (there was another on Nov. 17) Sam’s Club has 598 locations nationwide. This offer valid during regular club hours. More information at www.samclub.com

]]> http://parentszone.org/2008/12/01/sams-club-military-open-house/feed/ 2 http://parentszone.org/2008/11/18/national-resource-directory-for-wounded-warriors-families-and-caregivers/ http://parentszone.org/2008/11/18/national-resource-directory-for-wounded-warriors-families-and-caregivers/#comments Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:07:40 +0000 http://parentszone.org/?p=297 When my son was wounded — and then when he was being medically discharged — I spent a hundred hours or more researching what treatments and benefits were available, how to access care and benefits, the process of who, what, where, when, how… because there wasn’t one place (well, there really wasn’t much of anything by way of information back in 2005 and 2006). So I was pretty thrilled to see the email below announcing a single resource guide for Wounded Warriors and their families. I haven’t reviewed this new resource directory yet, and I hope it is everything they say it is, but something is always better than nothing! And it’s about time!!

I have lots of links etc to share with you.  A new format/page structure will be coming soon on PZ, and they’ll be easy to find. 

But – I am really psyched about vFRG.  One point I checked on with the ArmyOneSource folks -  If your soldier’s unit has a Virtual Family Readiness Group Site - you can click in, and request that you be added – this email goes to your soldier and supposedly all he/she needs to do is click Yes (or whatever the box says) and you will be added to the list. Now the VFRG is only as good as the support from the unit, that’s its one drawback – but it IS a start. So talk to your soldier – tell him to get off his tail and add you!

I collected many many cards from “Family Resource” booths and talked about the need for Parents to be included in that umbrella of “Family”.  And I was heartened by how many groups are realizing this!  Military Family Network even has a portion of their site for Military Parents.. Another group, for the caregiver for a wounded servicemember, is very open to helping Military Parents – they are called Operation Life Transformed .   The Brass – ie Senior military – also talked about Extended Families.  So there is hope out there for Parents – who won’t be relegated as just “some soldiers mom“.

As mentioned above,  we are going to make some changes here, let us know what you want to see, and what you need to see, and what you don’t want to see.

LAW

*******

As a new school year looms in the very near future, I think about those students whose educational journey may be interrupted…. The men and women of the National Guard. Although they understand from the start that their service and commitment is first and foremost to serve our country in time of need, this poses a distinct situation for those who are in the midst of their college education. As a soldier’s mom and an educator, I know without a doubt that knowledge is power. Here are some thoughts on this matter…

Orders for deployment come without concern for convenience. A student may find out that they will have to report for active duty in the middle of their course work. What happens then? First and foremost, student soldiers should know the institutional policy regarding military deployment. No student will be penalized for leaving the semester early for military duty, BUT they need to know if they will receive a grade for the work completed so far or merely a “W” on their transcript. Withdrawing from a course simply means that the student was granted the option to leave without penalty. Some institutions also add a “P” (for passing) or “F” (for failing) along with the W. Withdrawal simply means that the students overall grade point average (GPA) is not affected by the withdrawal. However, it would be good for the deploying soldier/student to know if they have to repeat the part of the course they’ve already completed, or if they will receive a grade to that point – the other option that some institutions grant. Again, knowing this policy ahead of time may make the decision to start the semester a bit easier. Good communication with the academic advisor, dean of students or director of the discipline is essential when deployment orders are received. Having written policy or documentation if exceptions are granted is also necessary for when the soldier returns to school. It is not enough to be told “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you when you get back”. People move on and nothing stays the same during deployment, so it is wise to ask for documentation of stop-out policies or re-admission policies, especially of professional programs with criteria for acceptance (health care programs – nursing, med school; law school, etc.).

Once the soldier/student returns to school, working with the institution’s VA officer becomes extremely important. Paperwork and forms must be filled out accurately so the soldier receives the full benefit he/she deserves. There is a difference in monthly benefits depending on which Montgomery Bill option is being applied for…..considerable differences. At some point, it is even wise to double check with the state VA educational officer - not just the local county officer, for assistance to make sure the soldier is applying to the appropriate program. Once paperwork is filed incorrectly, it takes an inordinate amount of time to correct the problem – meanwhile, the soldier is without benefits. Working with the guard unit’s readiness officer is also a good idea. In the past, I’ve also enlisted the help of the state representative of the Family Readiness Office. The most important point to pass along is don’t be satisfied with an attitude of “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know”……there are people who do know and can help, so seek them out.

That is only the business part of returning to school after deployment. A soldier who leaves campus for 2 semesters (or longer) also loses his/her spot among the relationships they’ve built to that point. If they’re an athlete, they come home to a different team; if a member of a cohort that is accepted into the major, now they are part of a different cohort. No soldier is penalized for being gone, but no one comes back to the same student group, social group or sometimes, even the same faculty and staff. This is another adjustment to the circumstances they are already making in their return to civilian life. Support during this time is critical. Awareness and acknowledgement of the soldier/student’s contribution to OIE or OEF should not be underestimated or undervalued.

These are just some points of interest that I wanted to pass along for the next soldier who is deploying during their college years. It is a situation that calls for attention to detail and information about benefits to assure ease in transition back to college life, as well as an understanding of the specific adjustments that this student is making in the name of freedom.