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PBS/Point of View: Regarding War
A few weeks back, PBS re-launched its Regarding War site and invited a number of bloggers to blog on experiences of reintegration of soldiers to the civilian world. I am fortunate to be one of the bloggers. In my third post (and in the fourth next week) I am addressing some misconceptions on PTSD (next week on some resources).
PTSD looks to be the diagnosis of the decade. Seems everyone has it, or wants to claim it. In the 80s the diagnosis was ADHD… In the 90s, was it narcissism? And now, PTSD: apparently you can get it soon after watching a movie, or years after some bad act. It’s all the rage in the news, and a convenient excuse for bad behavior. Even if someone has never personally experienced the trauma, it seems like they only have to hear about someone else’s trauma, and POOF — they have PTSD! Worse still are those who point to combat stress as proof that service members are the victims of some nefarious plot. If you believe the media and some politicians, every bad act by someone who happens to be a veteran is the result of some neglect or refusal to identify and treat this condition.
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Gold Star Sunday
Today is the day we remember the Gold Star Families, those who have lost their service member in combat.
These families now have a new way to stay intouch, both with each other and with others, including the military family that has become so important to them.
As a story from Defenselink News reported,
a new Virtual Installation, such as the Army Strong Community Center that opened in Rochester NY in September, is a way for these families to maintain ties to the military. As three families who met with Army Reserve Chief Lt. Gen. Jack C. Stultz made clear to him :
What they said they’re lacking now is a way to stay tied to the military their sons died serving, and to get information and help when they need it.
These families have had difficulties with finding counseling who could help, in one case helping the fiancee of the fallen servicemember receive benefits for the daughter he never saw, and in assisting the siblings who were suffering with the death of their brother. This installation could be of service, could help this group of families who need to feel that we haven’t forgotten them.
I have a blog friend, who lost her son 5 years ago. I visit Ken at Arlington periodically, and think of his mother often. As a former Blue Star Mother, and a current Blue Star Wife, I honour her service and her loss, I honour the Gold Star Families around the country who grieve the loss of their servicemember, their son or daughter, who miss their brother or sister, the father or mother they will never see again. Our country needs to remember these families, we need to make sure that their sacrifice is never ever forgotten.
General Casey remembered these families Saturday at the 4th Annual Time of Remembrance at the US Capitol, spent time talking to them, especially the children. The White House Commission on Remembrance proclaimed that the purpose of this day is
To unite our citizens in remembrance, honoring all those who died in service to our country with a special tribute to America’s fallen in Afghanistan and Iraq and the families they left behind. To demonstrate to these families that in addition to their family and friends, their fellow Americans care about their loss.
We must never forget that each one of the names on the roll of the fallen have a family that will never be the same again, that have sacrificed so much.
LAW
Care Packages – From Blue Star Mamaw
Since beginning a new chapter of Blue Star Moms in February of this year, I have learned a lot. We have, as a group, done quite a bit, accomplished more in the past six months then some people do in a year. The support from local communities has been steadily advancing and I am amazed at the generousity of so many.
We recently had our second shipment of Care Packages go out. This time, we were able to send 55 packages to the deployed. The first time is was 22 to deployed Troops and 2 large boxes to the hospital overseas for our wounded. It may not seem like much in comparison to other groups who have been around longer but we are slowly spreading the word that there are needs that we, here at home, take for granted, that are not available to our Troops who are away from home.
Many are aware of our Troops being “down the road” but are unaware that many are still in the “sandbox” and that amazes me. I even had one woman ask me why we would send care packages to the sandbox when none of our Troops were there? Hello….Does no one watch the news or read the newspapers any more? I explained our mission and our goal so that she finally understood and she has now volunteered her services and that of several friends to help with our next packaging. YEA!!
So let me share what happened with our last packaging. One of our Moms has a son serving down the road and he had emailed her with an emergency listing of his Unit’s needs. Just 9 young men, not a tall order for us at all. Basically they were sharing deoderant, as many had run out, had several who never receive anything from home and their room was smelling a bit gamey (I won’t write what he said it actually smelled like-it was very much a guy comment though). smile….
We ended up putting out a call to those who are affiliated with us and the items began pouring in! Soap, toothpaste, Febreze, snacks, shampoo, body wash, M&M’s (a special request), amongst other items. We had calendars donated from a local Hooter’s, DVDs, CDs, books, games and postcards written by many attendees of different events that we collect as we attend. Those items were sent over the day after the packaging but not soon enough. Two of the men in his Unit were unable to enjoy these small bits of home as they did not make it back from a firefight. Another, the M&M requestor, grabbed the extra large bag of M&M’s, went to a corner, sat back and ate the entire bag by himself. He couldn’t get enough of home and the memories this small candy snack brought to him. This made me laugh and cry at the same time. He is only 18 years old and does not receive much, this was the least we could do. He is younger then my youngest son….
The smiles we were able to help create will be a part of us forever, the tears we shed when we receive the pictures back of them smiling with their packages, for the looks on their faces, fall silently and they will never see them rolling down our cheeks.
I sent my son homemade chocolate chip cookies and promised some to another soldier serving in the sandbox. I sent her those as a special treat, from me, Mamaw. I also sent over Cracker Jacks and sunscreen, she looked a little red in her recent photos. When she sent me the pictures of her and her unit with the cookies and the other items they received (we also sent them some care packages), I laughed out loud. Mind you, I was alone, at home, reading emails and posting updates and when I saw those pictures, I was in awe of how much this meant to our soldiers. It only took me a small portion of my day to bake those cookies and a little bit of my lunch hour to send them over to her. Since they were from me to her there was a bit of extra caring put into those cookies and a little bit more of the white chocolate chips too! The pictures of one young female soldier reading a card that was in a care package made me cry. The look on her face, the writing on the card, is visible and moving. The stillness of her composure impacted me in such a way that I have to hold back the tears thinking of her. It is a childs writing, with little flowers drawn on the border, completed with care, respect in the way that only a child can do, with innocence and love, completed without knowing who would be the recipient.
Another portion of our packages were given to a Chaplain as one young man that we had mailed them to did not really understand that he was to hand them out to those who would need them the most. His buddies were laughing when he kept coming back from the post office on base with more and more packages. He thought about it and came up with the idea to take them to the Chaplain so that those young men and women who were in dire need of a little bit of home, in need of an outpouring of love, and needing comfort, in need of knowing that they are indeed supported and thought of, would receive it.
These pictures and notes are not required for us to know that the packages are appreciated, we know, as Moms, that they are. Just like the items sent for the wounded, we knew what they needed because we asked for a list. These items are stored by the Chaplain at the hospital and for those who are in need (and ALL there are in need) can go to the locker area and “go shopping” for their sweats, t-shirts, shoes, flip flops, phone cards, what ever it is that is sent over and kept there for them. We send only new items for them (in all of our packages), they don’t deserve used, they have volunteered to put their lives on the line and we want them to know that we appreciate them.
It’s not about how much you spend or are able to spend, one trip to the Dollar Store can benefit several soldiers. It’s not about receiving kudos for what is sent, it’s knowing in your heart that you helped send a little bit of home and comfort to a Soldier who misses his family as much as they miss him. It’s what you do to show you are thinking of them and that you care.
Mamaw
Soldiers Have Parents??
New to the Army? Help Keep Your Parents in the Loop
If you’ve just joined the Army and your parents aren’t familiar with military life, keep them in the loop with these materials:
The information under “When Your Son or Daughter…” is pretty basic (it’s a starting point), but you should also seek out additional information from sites specific to the military installation/branch of service where your child is undergoing training.
As the parent of a soldier, you should become familiar with some of the other resource information contained on other Army and Dept. of Defense sites for future reference… such as the Army Well-Being site and the Military Homefront page.
I’d really like the Army and the other services to produce content specific to parents (or non-spousal family) with the idea that these people are usually remote (away) from their soldier’s military installation and typically have no idea how to contact the installation or chain of command (or even who that might be) in an emergency… or what resources are available to their soldier/sailor/marine/airman/coastie or to the family member (be that a parent, aunt, uncle, sister or brother…) when faced with serious issues involving their child (for example, post-deployment issues). (And, yes, I know that there are those who actually joined the military to AVOID their parents… but every soldier has a next-of-kin somewhere — that are not “in the loop” but should be!)
I did also find some parent-related information for the other services (some official, some unofficial):
for Parents of Marines
A Parent’s Guide to the Marine Corps
USMC – Recruit Training
Marine Parents.com
For Navy Parents
Navy for Moms
Navy Dads
For Air Force Parents
Parents of the Enlisted
For Coast Guard Parents (nice job CG!!) For National Guard Families General informational links for all branches, Guard and Reserves at Today’s Military and Military.com Those of us who have had our child leave the military after serving, either in a war zone or not, are now VetParents. And Parents Zone is here for us too. I’ve been watching, with a great deal of pride, my own son and daughter in law navigate the difficult waters called “The VA” and persevere. I watched them both go through the frustration of medical and psychological evaluations and the appeals process. I’m watching them heal, watching my son take classes and work full time and take care of their adorable daughter, watching my daughter in law work full time and then some, take care of said wonderful child, while they both deal with their deployments and what they brought back with them. Some Soldier’s Mom, in her previous post, listed a group of websites to assist Vets. I’d like to add to that, and I’m asking you for help. If you know a site, an organization, a group, that helps Vets, list them here. We’ll set up a page for them as well (right, Tech Mama??) The American Veteran video site IAVA Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America American Women Veterans ( this is a FaceBook based group) LAW I’ve heard the children of the military called the youngest draftees – they are the ones who didn’t sign up for the life as a military brat, they were born into it, or their parent signed up and they were pulled along into it. My son was a MilBrat – then we got out and he didn’t soak in the military (except for one weekend a month and two weeks a year) until later – then he joined up. Now he’s out of the Army – Our granddaughter will only get the military lifestyle one level removed, her grandpa Chief is in and will be for a while. I’ve talked to military spouses, who are coping with deployments, but watching as their children have trouble getting through yet another absence by that service member. It’s hard to watch your child hurting – and it’s agony to watch your child’s child in pain. The military has realized there is a problem. Deployments since fighting began in Iraq and Afghanistan have affected nearly 2 million military children, and about 234,000 of those children currently have at least one parent deployed, according to a 2007 Defense Manpower Data Center report. The Defense Department has programs for the children, as does Military OneSource; We all know about the Sesame Street DVD and I’m told having Elmo tell you something is very special (direct from the granddaughter’s mouth!) The Military Child Education Coalition website looked promising to me. As grandparents of military children, we have a special role in their lives. I remember that when we moved constantly (when my father was in the State Department), my grandparents were my constant, their house was always the same, I could find everything and my Omi was a rock who was there, always. It’s an important role for us – any advice for your fellow MilParent? LAW Parents – I received an email from an employee at a Best Buy store.. and I was so impressed with her desire to help the parents of serving military. What would YOU want to tell her? Can we get her the information she needs? can we help her, help more like us? I’ve already sent her the Blue Star Mothers site – but there has to be more we can do! ******************************** My name is Sabrina and I’ve been put in charge of the military initiatives here at my Best Buy Store . I saw your site and was very curious. You see in my store, and I’m sure many others, we have quite a few employees who are either returning from deployments, returning from TBS/OCS, or are looking into joining the military. Although our store is situated near a military recruiting office, I don’t believe that there’s enough information for the parents, siblings, or children of those that are in, or seeking to go into, the military. As we also have a volunteer mentoring program here at our store, and as part of our corporate community relations initiatives; I was wondering what assistance our military employees could be to the parents of someone looking to join the military and to the children of military parents. With the Military recruiting offices being so close to so many locations of BBY stores, quite a few of the younger employees who have considered a military career go over and ask for information or talk with recruiters. While this helps them, I don’t believe it provides enough information to their parents and/or siblings who need to understand what their children/siblings/family member will be going into. So many of what I overhear from the ones with concerns are questions like: Is my child going off to die? How will TBS/OCS change who they are? Will I know my child when they come home from training/deployment? I’d like to be able to offer the concerned parents/family members some kind of resource or forum that they can go to attain the answers they need. Someplace where they can talk to other parents with the same concerns, and others who have been through this and know what is the best way they can be concerned while still being supportive of their loved ones decision. Most parents worry about their children going off to college, but when that child wants to discuss joining the military it becomes a whole new ball game. I’d like to be able to offer what support and resources I can. In Sullivan Illinois, the residents have found a great way to honor their military residents serving in the US Armed Forces. When many were deployed to Afghanistan in 2004, the soldier’s names were nailed to lampposts. As more and more young people volunteered in Sullivan, population 4,400, the parents decided to keep up the tradition. More than a hundred town residents have served abroad and dozens more will still deploy to either Iraq or Afghanistan. Some names have hung more than once while spouses and siblings are displayed two to a post. This is the town’s small, informal way of showing its respect to those members of the community who for the most part joined the military out of patriotism. In Sullivan, the effort to support military personnel and their families includes churches, care package packing parties and coffee klatches. The wonderful thing here is the residents have taken their support an additional step by putting up the signs and honoring their military even further. As we military family members know, support is imperative during deployment. It is hard for non-military people to understand the fear and helplessness when a loved one deploys for a war zone. The signs are a great way of reminding people on a daily basis that someone’s family member is in harm’s way and protecting each and every one of us. Since my son will soon be deployed my need for support and understanding grows with each passing day. I think doing something like this in my hometown would be a great comfort to me. Maybe since this story is out other towns might want to do something like this too. Some might worry about putting a loved one’s name on a sign in public. Let’s face it there are a few crazies out there. I suggest family members or the actual service member have the option of just using their first name. The whole world does not necessarily have to know the service member’s whole name and this might bring a little piece of mind to people who may be skeptical. So I say spread the word and maybe this could grab some momentum and before we know it many towns and cities could be demonstrating yet one more way to say thank you to our brave military. ProudMom3 I was asked to post this – and it sure would be great to get OUR voices and experiences heard. Dr. Crow has gone through deployments of her son to Iraq and her daughter in law to Afghanistan, so she understands. But to help her tell our story, get the information about what deployments are like for the parents of these men and women – she needs our help. **************************** Parents of Service Members who have deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan…. Your input is needed to understand the experience of a parent who has had (or currently has) a son or daughter deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan. Parents are very much a part of the military family and yet very little is known about their experiences and how they support their deployed adult children. Dr. Janet Crow, an assistant professor of Child and Family Studies at Baylor University, is conducting a survey of parents of service members to add your perceptions to what we know about how military families cope with deployment. If you are interested in participating simply go to: https://www1.baylor.edu/surveys/crow/deployed_child.htm. You will find a complete explanation of the study and will be able to add your experiences by completing the anonymous online survey. ******************* Please – go over and give her your input. Thanks! LAW Beyond Tribute is – to quote one of the founders – not a charity, not an organization, it’s an idea! The idea is to make the holidays that should be devoted to veterans and those who gave their lives, mean more again. To those in America who don’t know anyone in the military - and we all know how many that description fits – right now Memorial Day is the day for a good sale – and none of us will turn down a good sale! But wouldn’t it be even better if the business doing that great sale on purses (that’s for Pam Eggleston the purse maven, the milspouse who spoke at the launch about her life with Charles, her husband and wounded warrior) was going to contribute part of the profits from that sale to programs for vets? General Wesley Clark said at the launch that we need to transform Memorial Day and Veterans Day back into a holiday of more meaning. The President of Gold Star Mothers spoke very movingly at the launch as well. We cannot allow this day to be only the day the pool opens, the day for a great bargain on a dress.. We must remember, we must make everyone else remember too! So – if you haven’t taken the pledge yet – go over and do it. Then send the link to the businesses you use – big and small. Send the link to your family, send the link to your friends and co-workers. Let’s put the memories back into Memorial Day, and by Veteran’s Day – make the rest of the country remember the veterans. LAWVeterans – have parents too.
Impact of deployment on children
How can she help Military Parents?
Signs of Respect
Deployment – Parent’s style
Beyond Tribute – Memorial Day
I went to the launch for Beyond Tribute yesterday, and with the Memorial Day weekend coming up, wanted to make sure all our readers (those loyal few) get the word!
