AUSA - Day Two
This was my first FULL day at AUSA - I attended a large session with dozens of FRG leaders in the audience. This was directed at the Reserve and Guard Components - lots of memories of the last deployment for me, when my husband was with the Minnesota Guard. Those Guard Parents out there - Changes are coming, at the usual Army glacial pace - but they are coming.
I have lots of links etc to share with you. A new format/page structure will be coming soon on PZ, and they’ll be easy to find.
But - I am really psyched about vFRG. One point I checked on with the ArmyOneSource folks - If your soldier’s unit has a Virtual Family Readiness Group Site - you can click in, and request that you be added - this email goes to your soldier and supposedly all he/she needs to do is click Yes (or whatever the box says) and you will be added to the list. Now the VFRG is only as good as the support from the unit, that’s its one drawback - but it IS a start. So talk to your soldier - tell him to get off his tail and add you!
I collected many many cards from “Family Resource” booths and talked about the need for Parents to be included in that umbrella of “Family”. And I was heartened by how many groups are realizing this! Military Family Network even has a portion of their site for Military Parents.. Another group, for the caregiver for a wounded servicemember, is very open to helping Military Parents - they are called Operation Life Transformed . The Brass - ie Senior military - also talked about Extended Families. So there is hope out there for Parents - who won’t be relegated as just “some soldiers mom“.
As mentioned above, we are going to make some changes here, let us know what you want to see, and what you need to see, and what you don’t want to see.
LAW
Soldiers’ Angels - a great group to support
For anyone who doesn’t know Soldiers Angels - click here. And then go here - they are giving $2 for each vote they get. So go - click, scroll down and vote for Soldiers’ Angels. Great way to support those who support the troops.
LAW
Homecoming!!!
My son, Cpl. Dark Prince, USMCR, deployed in March of this year. That day of deployment, as many of you have experienced, is the lowest point in a mil parent’s life. It just sucks like a Dyson, doesn’t it? You are right at the beginning of a deployment. The clock has just started but (thank God) it has FINALLY started!! You walk away after saying goodbye to your son or daughter thinking something like “Well..I don’t have to live that moment again.. at least for now.”
But at the other end of the deployment, there be dragons as well….
For starters, you end up playing homecoming date roulette with your Family Readiness Group/Family Readiness Officer. There’s a “window” of homecoming. That window can be as long as 7 days or as small as two but the bottom line is that nobody really knows when EXACTLY your loved one is coming home at the beginning of the homecoming phase.. It wreaks havoc on those who are coming in from out of state and trying to make hotel/flight reservations. For this deployment, we are in that category. It’s frustrating but trust me…everyone else is frustrated as well. If you are dealing with this right now or soon to be dealing with this, you’re in good company. We all are playing on that roulette wheel.
If you are traveling to a homecoming, make sure that you have the FRG/FRO/Battalion contact phone number. This will be your lifeline once you get to where you’re going and awaiting your loved one doing the same. They will have the latest updates/ changes in times and locations, etc. Tattoo that damned number on your arm if need be but make sure you have it.
Be flexible. In the Marine Corps, we refer to this as Semper Gumby. I know that’s an easy thing to type and I also know that’s not an easy thing to do You.still.have.to.do.it. Things change. Quickly. Be ready for that. As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, things will change. It’s the one thing you can count on.
Between now and the actual homecoming, there are things that you can do to keep busy. Make a welcome home sign for your son or daughter. I’ve seen some very clever signs so I’m a little intimidated as I contemplate what I want to put on a sign to welcome my son home. I’m not very artistic so if you saw a cute sign at a homecoming, comment here and let me know. I don’t mind being a copycat. I just mind not having a cool sign.
Get with your FRG/FRO and see if they need folks to make the beds in the barracks for the guys coming back. Seriously, if you just got off a 30+ hour flight from Kuwait..the last thing you want to do is make your own bed. This is something that we as milparents/families can do to help welcome our guys home. It doesn’t take long but it does help pass the time as you wait for your loved one to come home.
If your child left all of his civilian clothes at home (mine did as well as giving me some clothes that had been cooking in his room for several days before he left..ugghh!!) , you might want to consider bringing some of them down to him/her. They will just love getting out of their utilities/cammies.
Most importantly, savor the moment of homecoming. You have earned this moment too. Don’t dwell on the stuff you didn’t do or the problems that you had with the deployment. Those are things for another day. On the day of homecoming, pat yourself on the back for surviving and hug your child. Hard. Close. Revel in the moment. There are few moments as joyous as this one.
Urrahhh!!! Hooaahhh!!!, etc…..
What happens in Vegas -
Gets reported here! we didn’t make the party - which is a good thing, from the pictures I’ve seen!
The actual panel I was on discussed the importance of remembering that the military blog community is NOT just the uniform members, reporting on conditions downrange, or talking about the conditions they are in. The community is held together by the “others”, the parents, the spouses, the volunteers. I won’t be reporting on the other panels, as those are being reported on by the uniform milbloggers - or by other bloggers who could take notes. I find it amusing that most of the uniform bloggers that I have read so far - didn’t report on our panel! But from where I was sitting, on the other panels, there is some debate about our “relevance” (if we have to ask whether we are relevant, I’d say we probably aren’t), some debate about how milblogs should be “used” or whether we need some sort of training.
Secretary Geren was on the phone for a while, on a different panel. I met with his assistant, who told me that one of the authors you have been enjoying here - Some Soldier’s Mom - has been on his Roundtables and informing the Secretary of Army (in her own inimitable and no nonsense fashion) that Parents aren’t being heard, and that single soldiers need more from the Army when they are offduty. The assistant told me that SecArmy is very happy to hear from SSM and she was very kind in allowing me to get put on the list for Roundtables as well. This is where I may be able to bring up what YOU - The Parents and Siblings, Aunts and Uncles, grandparents and friends - want him to hear.
At the Milbloggie awards - SOME SOLDIER’S MOM won the Milbloggie for Parent’s sites. CONGRATULATIONS! As soon as she gets a chance, I’m hoping to get some more posts from her.
We’ll be putting up the survey results soon. I’m still trying to get some rather well known names to answer the survey - if you can think of someone that is in the public eye we should send the survey to, let us know.
LAW
Milbloggies and MilBlog Vegas Expo
We know we didn’t win. But… we don’t know who did - although with the commanding lead I saw the last time I looked, I have a good idea. But I won’t say anything until they are announced at the MilBlog Expo in Las Vegas this coming weekend. But CONGRATULATIONS! (you know who you are!)
Speaking of the MilBlog Expo - I have been incredibly honored (and scared) to have been invited to be a panelist! I’ll be on a panel talking about the following:
MilBlogging as a Community. A fascinating look at how deep and wide the reach of the Milblogging community has become. Through Milblogging, many programs providing comfort, support, aid and tangible benefits to the military community have been conceived, proving that Milblogging is about more than just writing. We’ll explore how milblogging gives a voice to supporters, parents and spouses of service members, and how that voice is effectively used to support an entire military community.
So - please please, even if you have never commented before, let me know what you want me to tell everyone. As you can see, there is a lot going on that day - I want to make sure that the Parents of Service members are heard! (click on the underlined to see all about Milblogging Expo). If you are going to be there - please say hi.
I’m excited, and I’ll be frank (it’s just us here, right?) I’m a bit intimidated by the thought of representing YOU, the Parents. As a Parent of an Iraq Vet, and In-Law of another Iraq Vet, I do know from experience and my own journey through this, how you feel, what you want, what you need to ask - but it sure would be great if I could get your input. I am taking the information from the 10 questions we asked a couple of posts ago, so if you have a few minutes, fill out the survey.
LAW
p.s. I just looked at this and realized - not everyone knows what MilBlogging is! It’s just Military Blogging, from service members, spouses, parents, supporters, veterans - anyone who has a connection of any kind to the OnePercent of the Nation who are members of this military family.
Holy Cow! We are up for a MilBloggie Award!
Go here - vote for us! I’m incredibly surprised, and very honoured that we were chosen. Voting closes on Sunday night!
LAW
9/11 - We remember
As we watched the 9/11 remembrances this morning, my parents and I talked about where we were when we saw/heard the reports. I remember my phone at work ringing, my son and husband were both National Guard, and were checking in to let me know they hadn’t heard anything yet - about mobilization. And we waited, and waited. Neither of them was mobilized at that time, but we saw more and more young people signing up for the Guard after that day. There were suddenly no planes flying over our house, the skies were quiet, except for the Air Guard.
To those of you who watched your sons and daughters sign up after that day - Thank You.
LAW
FRG - Family Readiness Group - is it for Parents?
I’d love to say - YES! But sometimes it’s not. First of all, FRG = Family Readiness Group. These are designed to assist families, either when deployed, or at home. They are usually designed for spouses but there have been many parents who are members of their servicemember’s FRG.
I’ve been asked what they do, and how they work. The first and most important point - your servicemember has to get your name on the list! Before you deploy - he or she MUST put the name of the person he wants to receive information on a list. Without your soldier doing that - you will not get the information, you will not be allowed to get it either! Privacy issues are paramount. You have to make sure your servicemember lists your name, phone number and addresses (both email and snail) with the FRG. This is the ONLY way you will get actual information.
Once you are on that list - make sure the FRG leader (who is usually a volunteer or a group of volunteers) know that you want to be active, that you want to help. Personally, I never had any contact with my son’s FRG - and the FRG at my husband’s unit for his first deployment was horrendous - so we made our own group. I hope you will be active in whatever group you join.
IF you are involved with the FRG of your son’s unit - please let us know how it’s working, how you became involved.
LAW
A Navy Mom - Blue Star Mom
From a Navy Mom.
I’m not the best on this computer, but my daughter-in-law thinks I’m pretty hip that I even try. Wouldn’t want to disappoint her. She is my life line to my son, as many daughter-in-laws are.
Our chapter puts out a newsletter. We do not require that our mothers be members to participate in our newsletter. We like pictures and stories from any parents. We have an email of about seventy-five addresses, some are to our children over seas, family members and friends around the world. It has been a great support tool.
My strong support for being in the Blue Star Mothers organization is for the fringe benefits that a chartered chapter has. It makes it much easier for us to fund raise for troop support packages when the donations can be tax deductible under the 501 C (3). Other than that, the group is pretty much the same as the parentzone. We want to support those military families.
I saw several postings about the FRG Sponsor not doing their job and not keeping everyone informed. I know one of these volunteers personally and I’m sure everyone wishes she was in charge of their FRG group. She keep the FRG so well informed, provided times each month for those close enough to get together and relayed the information to everyone that would give current addresses and email.
She was called upon this past weekend to help a widow who was waiting for her husband’s body to arrive from Iraq. After talking with the wife, she was able to take care of all the food and supplies that were needed in the home and at the funeral home. The wife was so grateful that those duties would be taken care of and she could concentrate on other things. Our FRG Sponsor traveled three hours, following the military reps, to help this lady whom she did not know. Spent the night and returned that next day.
Do parents and spouses really know what duties are expected from these FRG Volunteers? Volunteers are as good as their hearts. Not all are the same. I do not believe I could be a FRG Sponsor.
For parents and spouses it is a good idea to get your passport before your child or spouse is deployed. I would not have thought to do it, but my daughter-in-law insisted and I am so glad that I did. You never know when you will need it. You might need to meet your child in a different country for a vacation, R&R, or for an emergency. I can take several weeks to get one and you would not want to miss out because of not having a required passport.
Thank you for allowing me to add to your parents zone.
Bless all your sons and daughters,
Lovingly-Caring-Being-Supportive-Mothers
Deployment announcements and checklists.
Yesterday, we told my parents that my husband was deploying again. I flashed back to when our son called from Germany to tell us that his unit was going to Iraq. This was in 2003-2004, when we were still sending baby wipes because there weren’t any bases set up on Balad or Baghdad, no PX facilities, the mail took 3-4 weeks to get there! I remember sliding onto the floor and weeping uncontrollably. The call I made to his grandparents was one of the hardest things I had to do at that point and since my husband was on his way to Bosnia - well, it wasn’t the best few months of my life!
My husband, this time, went for the casual approach and it worked this time. How have you told your family, that your child is deploying down range, or did you leave it up to the child?
The Checklist - We are starting to go through the deployment checklist - ours is from experience, but there are some good sites to visit if you need them. One is at Military.com and this reservist list is a great place to start as well, as is this site called Hooah4health These all seem to be for spouses, so one of our tasks might be doing one for the Single Soldier. If you have one, that you use or have used for your single soldier, please send it along. But even if your soldier child is married, ask them if they want to send you a copy of the documents (on a disk or in a sealed envelope, privacy issues can be something a spouse might worry about) for you to keep in a safe place. Having gone through a flooded basement and since we are in the midst of hurricane season, I know how easy it is to lose important papers and have been grateful for the “spare set” we sent to the folks!
As always - remember that you are not alone in this “adventure”, and if you need a shoulder, or have any questions, we are here, we understand and there are NO dumb questions.
LAW