Parents Zone

Well despite a Tropical Storm, we arrived at SpouseBuzz Live safe and sound! LAW and I attended dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen with the Spouse Buzz team and of course Military.com team. The food was great and it was a blast hanging out with everyone.

Of course I will be streaming some live video throughout the day, you can watch it http://www.live.yahoo.com/household6

Hope to see you online!

Thanks to SpouseBUZZ for alerting to this.  Let your servicemember know. 

http://www.armytimes.com/news/2008/07/army_freecalls_072908w/

we had a question in the comments section, that needs to be up here, where everyone can see it…

“Now, I have a question for the parent zone, my son is leaving in 20 days for Okinawa and is a bachelor and I would like to know how many pounds he is allowed to send over there. I know it is different then my daughter and son that are married which get to send a ridiculous amount but my son didn’t get the amount in his briefings this week. I was wondering if anyone had a quick answer for me so I could pack a bachelor kitchen. I guess it wasn’t in the briefings as he is the only one going oversees in his graduating class. So, thank you for any advice you can give me about this tropical island.
Nanceoso
Can anyone help here?   Post your answers here, we’ll make sure Nanceoso gets them!

LAW

Training, that is. (Part one of five)

What to know or expect when your son or daughter goes to Basic Training – (now called Basic Combat Training)

First and foremost - be very proud of them.   The whole point of this training, is to take them from the adult they think they are - to the adult the Army/AirForce/Marines/Navy/Coast Guard wants to have. This is going to be a hard 9 weeks or more. 

Second – you won’t hear from them very often, if at all! They are not allowed to have their cell phones (this is sometimes difficult to fathom in this day and age) This is something you need to remember while your child is in the service – repeat after me: NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS.

From Some Soldier’s Mom: I have 3 sons that went to Basic (or Boot Camp)… and we received a brief phone call when each arrived at their destination (two at Great Lakes Naval Station and one at Fort Benning). We received two brief letters and a post card from the oldest (Navy) and then a few phone calls when permitted. We got two or three letters over the course of Navy Boot from the middle son and two phone calls. Army Sgt.s apparently do not want to be hearing from soldiers’ mommas and it was a requirement at Basic that they write home once a week or 10 days… although we did not start receiving letters until about his 3rd week into training. Parents have to realize that their sons and daughters are being physically and mentally stretched to the breaking point and they are so sore and tired at the end of EVERY day, that they sincerely do not have the energy to write letters home… and they do not have telephone privileges until very late into their training. My son said when he had to choose whether to take 15 minutes to write a letter or get 15 minutes extra of sleep — sleep won every time!! From LAW – I got a couple of scrawled notes – I’m tired, I’m tired, working hard, I’m tired, and 1 or 2 brief calls, hi, love you, tired He stood in line for a long time to call, but couldn’t talk for long - the line behind him was just as long! Tammy – Husband was so exhausted he managed to write postcards to the kids.. but not many calls – Sleep was the winner.

Their schedules are amazingly full.  Some of it doesn’t make much sense.  Their schedules are posted, on the website of the facility where they are training.  Links will be provided - Friday’s portion of this series.

Please - GIVE US YOUR STORIES, YOUR QUESTIONS, YOUR COMMENTS!

*****Tomorrow - what to send and what NOT to send **************

As parents, we’re proud of our kids (most of the time).  We gave birth to them, we diapered them, put up with toddler tantrums, held their hands when they crossed the street, and we guided them through school and sometimes painful life experiences.  We taught our kids values, the benefits of hard work and the repercussions of bad decisions when we grounded them, took away that allowance, or gave them those extra chores.  We used them as “slave labor” (their terminology).  Our kids mowed the yard, did the dishes, and took out the trash while we oversaw the work and paid the allowance.  We made our daughters wear that “old fashioned skirt that no one else wears, Mom!” and refused to buy our sons those baggy jeans “that everyone else has.”  We made them eat their vegetables instead of the burgers, fries, and shakes that everyone else’s parents let them eat and made them go to bed positively hours before anyone else.  We “owned” our kid and we were proud to say, “This is my kid.” 

We may still be proud of our kids, especially now that they’re taking on life as an adult and have made adult decisions, like joining the military.  But as parents we need to realize that someone else now controls your kid’s life.  Yes, Moms and Dads, Uncle Sam has taken over that job!  Uncle Sam, in the guise of that miserable drill sergeant, drill instructor, or training instructor has taken over your job to get your kid out of bed at the crack of dawn (only this time it really is at the crack of dawn).  Uncle Sam now makes your kid clean that room, eat that food, march here, march there, dress in that not-exactly-trendy-outfit, move this, learn that, scrub this, paint that. . .you get the picture. 

Yes parents, your kid, the apple of your eye, your pride and joy, no longer “belongs” to you.  Your kid belongs to Uncle Sam.  While that young man or woman is in the military, they are soldiers, sailors, airmen or Marines - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  The rules that the services set out, apply to them all the time.  For instance - motorcycle safety gear.  If your kid rides a motorcycle, she must wear personal protective gear, like helmets, goggles, reflective garments, gloves and sturdy footwear.  It doesn’t matter if you live in a “helmet-free” state; your kid must wear the protective gear or she’s violated regulations.   A young Marine we heard about didn’t bother putting on the helmet when moving a motorcycle just a couple of yards… and the hospital stay was enlivened by irate Gunny Sergeants, Lieutenants  and Commanders visits and phone calls tearing another strip off him, to the consternation of his mother.  Said young Marine explained it to her -  and she was quite happy that these visits were impressing on him the need for safety!

 The same rules apply for wearing seatbelts.  Your kid must wear them, whether he’s required to do so by state laws or not.  Not only must your kid wear his seatbelt, but if he’s driving he must require everyone else in the car to wear them too.  Uncle Sam can (and does) require your kid to maintain a certain level of fitness, and can (and does) require your kid to have certain immunizations.  Your kid may be prohibited from participating in certain hazardous sports (like paragliding or bungee jumping) without first getting approval and a briefing.  You see, Uncle Sam wants his “assets” to be fit and ready to do the job they signed up to do.  GI – does stand for Government Issue!

Even though you’ve given your kid to Uncle Sam for the duration of that enlistment, you can still be proud of that child.  After all, you raised him to be the kind of man who could stand up, raise their hand, and say “take me, I can do it.”  You raised her to be proud to serve our great country.  Uncle Sam, and his terrifying drill sergeants, drill instructors, or training instructors, has taken your kid and forged the child you raised into the honorable warrior that emerged at the end of those endless weeks of training.  That young warrior, who may have lost weight but has gained muscle and confidence, is still your kid.  But that young warrior also belongs to Uncle Sam.  He has emerged standing straighter, smiling proudly, and ready to serve.  You can still be proud of that kid, and you should be proud of yourself.  You’ve done well! 

From LAW:  One of our guest authors - a Marine Wife and Mom  “Semper Fi Wife” has posted a loving and moving Birthday Card to her son in the Sand on Spouse Buzz .  Click here

365 days after I stood at Fort Benning and hugged my son and his buddies as they deployed to Iraq, I wrote about what it was like to live “here” while part of our heart was “there”. When our son deployed, we had been told to plan for an 18-month deployment, but if they were home in 15 months it would be a gift. They came home from that deployment in 12 months – which was a miracle in my book; my son’s unit just returned from another deployment – one that lasted 15 months.

I came to the conclusion back then that when you have someone deployed, you live in two worlds: “This” world and “That” world. I know those without someone in the military will empathize, but unless you have been through it, you can never fully appreciate how invasive this living between these worlds can be. If you are here getting yourself geared up for a child’s (or spouse’s) deployment, here’s what you can expect.

In This World, everything goes on as normal. You go to work (for those that work), do the laundry, clean the house, pay the bills…? You know — all the things “normal” people do.

But we’re not normal. We also live in That World — the world where the telephone ringing in the middle of the night is normal ’cause it’s morning over there. The world where news is everything and vague reports of improvised explosive devices can raise your heart rate 10 beats a minute and unconfirmed reports of soldiers’ deaths can cause you to inhale involuntarily. The world that can fall apart in an instant when the caller ID says it’s Fort XXX or there’s a knock at the door and the chaplain is standing there.

In This World, holidays are a day off or a reason to shop. In That World, holidays are markers of time passing… merely milestones until homecoming. First we got through Valentine’s Day,? then Easter (telling ourselves that they’ll be home next Easter), then Memorial Day (oh how we’ll celebrate next Memorial Day!), Independence Day (we’ll have the best barbecue next 4th!), Labor Day, Columbus Day…? just marking time in That World… the World where you live between goodbyes and hellos until it’s goodbyes again.

In This World, birthdays and anniversaries, the births of children, the marriages of friends and family are celebrated with a degree of sadness because your soldier is not here… your soldier is in harm’s way. Can you ever truly celebrate in This World when your heart is mostly in That World? We do but only because we are forced to live in This and That World.

We live in This World where the ringing phone is just a ringing phone — an annoyance, an interruption… but we are forced to also live in That World where we curse because the phone does not ring often enough or can bring unhappy news… where 21st century technology is a tether to That World but which we curse in blackout or busy times when we are plunged into unwanted silence.

In This World, shopping is a normal every day activity, but because we also live in That World, it is a lifeline to our soldier: shopping for the things they need… the things they like…? the things that tie them to home — to us…? tie them to This World… but where in That World — their World — soft toilet paper, cigarettes or their favorite salsa may be more priceless than gold.

In This World there are 24 hours in a day, but because we also live in That World, we live a parallel 24. As we progress through our days in This World, we are calculating the time in That World and conjuring up pictures of what our soldier is doing at that moment. When we eat we wonder what they ate today or if they had a hot meal at all...? when we shower we wonder if they had a hot water shower or whether it was a water bottle rinse off…? we wonder if they got our mail… and we wonder if there are others who got any mail at all.

In This World, “Where did the time go?” is a simple phrase. In That World, it is a blessing that the hour or day went quickly because in That World time passes excruciatingly slow –? especially those last few days until that plane touches down and the senior officer yells, “Dismissed!”

In This World, you are brave, tough, and supportive and you dare not admit to many that in That World you are also weary, frightened, worried sick and lonesome for your soldier and sometimes you cry about it for him and for you.

In This World, you smile politely when someone asks about the yellow ribbon pin or the purple “For Those Who Serve“ bracelet you wear… and you smile broadly when they ask you to thank your soldier for their service in That World.

In This World you wonder why people clap when some brainless actor or politician says hurtful things about the War or our military efforts while your soldier fights nobly in That World for their right to say it.

In This World you find that you talk back to the television a lot and that you stop watching or listening to most politicians and clueless celebrities who can’t seem to put aside their partisanship long enough to see the effect some of their mindless statements have on those that live in That World and are fighting a war.

In This World you wouldn’t dream of challenging someone demanding that we cut and run, but because we also live in That World, we have no qualms about telling them that they don’t know their butt from an indentation in the Earth’s surface and thoughtfully answer all their rote mumblings about oil, lies, wealth, WMD — and when they spout “We support the troops” — we don’t hesitate to ask them to prove it!

Before my son’s deployment, I thought that once our son — once Our Guys (my adopted sons in my son’s former unit) — were home, I would return to living in just one world — This World. However, now that these two most recent deployments are over, I realize that a part of me will always live between the two worlds. That World is now an integral part of This World for me… as it is for many others parents and spouses and aunts, uncles, sons and daughters.

In This World, your friends are those you know in your neighborhood and from the PTA or Lions Club meetings. For the families of those deployed, our friends in This World include everyone that understands all too well That World: friends who are serving, those who have served, the families of those who are deployed, have been deployed or are deploying and the people that really do support them… always ready with a helping hand, an encouraging word, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold in good times and bad. That World is a big world inhabited by a large family of which I am proud to be a member and for which I will forever be grateful.

Copyright Some Soldier’s Mom 2006 and 2008. All rights reserved.

I have had to pull a few comments out, and will replace them after some editing… Why you ask? It’s called OPSEC (another very very important military acronym) It stands for Operational Security. There is a link at the top of the page to let you know the rules we have here. OPSEC means NO names, NO locations (you can be vague - the Sand, the Litterbox, Far East, Europe, OCONUS, CONUS etc.) no sailing dates, no exact leave dates, etc. When we set up secure pages for units (a plan for the future!) we’ll let you know. Until then, to quote a great TV show, “let’s be careful out there”.

If you have any questions about what is or isn’t allowed, or anything you want to ask just one of us and not broadcast it, go to parentszone@gmail.com. One of us will try to get back to you as soon as we can.

LAW

From our new guest author - Lela   - who is a former Air Force Officer, married to an retired Air Force officer, and parent of serving AirForce daughter and a Marine son.

Did you ever go to one of those group courses where they made you do an exercise where you had to fall backwards and trust people in your group to catch you? I did, and I really had to work at it before I could let go and allow my friends to catch me as I fell. Trust isn’t something that comes easily to me. I have to work at it. Maybe it’s my profession; I am an attorney after all. (Just think of the liability!) Maybe it’s a generational-gender-thing; women of my age (growing up in the pre-Title IX era) didn’t get to play a lot of sports where you learn how to work as a team and “play in your lane.” Maybe it’s just me. Whatever it is, I have had to learn how to trust.

So why is trust something that I know that I wish all parents of service members knew? Because my military career helped me to understand the nature of trust, at least the type of trust that is necessary for an effective military. When our children join the military they learn, among other things, to trust their equipment, their leaders, and their comrades. At basic training, for example, Marines are subjected to tear gas, not to be cruel or to sensitize them to the effects of tear gas, but to teach them the proper use of a gas mask and to show them that the mask can be trusted to protect them from the effects of the gas. The Marines learn to trust through training. The same thing happens during an Air Force pilot’s training. A pilot repeatedly trains on emergency procedures so that when (or if) the “unthinkable” happens, the pilot can respond quickly and effectively, just like they’ve trained, over and over. A pilot learns to trust through training. When units or aircrew train together, they learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They learn to trust that their leaders understand the mission and that they will do their best to bring them home safely. They learn how each person in the unit will execute that mission. It’s all about learning trust through training.

As a parent, understanding just how hard the armed forces train and how that training builds military effectiveness, has helped me when my children were asked to do (or signed up to do) something dangerous. I knew that the Air Force would give my daughter the best flying training she could get before they would let her fly a jet or a helicopter. I knew they would continue to hone her skills until she was the best pilot she could be; and if that wasn’t up to extremely high standards, the Air Force wouldn’t let her fly. So, while she chose a “dangerous” career and one that does claim lives, I trust her training, just as she does. It’s a comfort. The same trust helped me through my Marine son’s recent deployment to Iraq. His training, as a combat infantryman gave him and his buddies the tools needed to survive the deployment. He trusted his buddies and his leaders. He trusted his training. So did I, because I know that if the armed forces aren’t fighting, they’re training.

Most of all, as parents, we need to learn how to trust our children and their decisions. They chose to serve, for whatever reason. This one was hard for me. I still have the knee-jerk, maternal reaction to do everything in my power to protect my children. But we can’t. We need to trust in their decision to serve. All we can do is fall backwards into the arms of friends and family ready to support us as we support our children. After all, we, too, can learn to trust . . . it’s all in the training.

What’s good to send, now that the temps in the Sand are in the 100s? Well, in a previous post comment, we got a lot of great ideas from “Some Soldier’s Mom” , which I am unashamedly going to “copy and paste ” here. I will also mention, PRIORITY mail only for food - otherwise some things will not survive.

I sent pizza! I got that Boboli pre-made pizza dough; pouches of tomato sauce; HARD PACK cheese (the kind that doesn’t have to be refrigerated!) and a small cheese grater… packaged peperoni (vacuum sealed that does not need refrigeration!) Also a microwave pizza dish…

or

“A Day at the Beach!”- sunscreen; beach towel; beach snacks; flip flop sandals (shower shoes); aloe vera gel;

or

“American Classics”- Pez with dispensers; Cracker Jacks; Lifesavers; NeccoWafers; Pop Rocks; Nerds; Good & Plenty; Candy Necklaces; Candy cigarettes

throw in some “windmills” (the hand held spinners) and red/white/blue tinsel!!

When we sent stuff over for a party - we kinda went nuts. Water Balloons (they did get used, believe it or not and reports were that folks BEGGED to be “got”), beads, plastic or fabric leis, candy of all sorts (individually wrapped - the bag of lemon drops I sent - One BIIIIG Lemon Ball!) , tins of snacks, good BBQ sauce and even rubs (my DH was the Pit King of their area) They can get the meat etc from KBR at some bases, if they request it. One friend went to Chipotle and described how much her husband missed their food - hey presto, they gave some of their seasonings, the meat was cooked and vacuum sealed and off it went!

When temps got into the “too hot to breathe” category, we also started sending cookies that didn’t melt. Some guys told us that the choc chip ones were fusing together and kinda nasty. So I came up with Chocolate snickerdoodles, which went over well with the chocoholics, and ginger snaps were requested by some as well.

OK - so lets have YOUR ideas! We’ll also set up a page to keep these all together - called — Care Packages! (original, huh?) We can put recipes there as well, for those treats that became hot favorites.

LAW