Ok back to my lament…….

To prepare us all for the Unit deployment,  the NG had all soldiers, and  families come into an informational meeting.  They invited anyone that wanted information on what was about to happen to these young men and women.  They talked about the war and the jobs our soldiers would be doing, how they had been well trained to do them and how proud they were of each and every one of them.  We listened and took notes, collected fliers but really never got any answers about what we were to do after they left.  I am a very “jump in and do what ever needs to get done to support them” type of person but nothing was even mentioned about how we could help.

Now the military,  as many of  you have found out,  talks and works in a special code only they are able to decipher.  Lots of letters for departments and programs  -all of which not only have names we never hear as civilians but if you get them out of order you could be ordering a tank for your front yard.  We were given numbers of places to call for support but the numbers were bad or not the “correct” department and after being transferred over and over again I gave up.

Nick was part of an advance group who went to Mississippi ahead of the big group to set up.  There was no good-bye ceremony, no news crews there, just a bus in the middle of the night in an empty parking lot.  “Good bye son” on the bus and he was gone.  My heart died that night, it was ripped from my body and sent to war.

He spent the next weeks in Mississippi getting ready for the larger group to come down and they were also helping the recovery from Hurricane Katrina.  When the bigger group got there he helped them process in and was told to make sure each soldier has the information for the “FRG” and that he should encourage them to tell their families to join.  He passed the information to his wife and then she told me so we could also join and to get me off his back constantly asking for what I could do.  We called got the information for the first FRG meeting and Myself, Renee (Nick’s wife) my husband and my parents went in to finally get the information we needed to not only help our selves but to support our troops.

We were introduced to our “FRG Leader” who was the wife of the first sergeant serving with our boys and girls.  She was with a person from the state level FRG, and we were told there were different groups all over the state.  She talked about  many things which frankly went right over my head, we are not in the military and don’t speak Army so we were a bit lost.  We were asked to join in and help organize the group and asked if we had any ideas to help keep the families connected.  We offered our suggestions which were for the most part ignored, and dismissed until our next meeting.

To make a really long rather nasty experience shorter we gave up after just a couple of meetings.  As a family we were ignored and made to feel as outsiders, as we were not part of the unit our leader was most connected with.  When our son called to say he had been told to have his Mom back off, that was it.  Our last meeting was a Christmas Party (we only went because my grandson was registered a long time ago) at an Armory where not only did we get to sit in a gym with a bunch of tables, no one knew where to go or what to do they just sat there, nothing for the babies to do and no one was trying to greet anyone, it to say the least was a total disaster.  We were about to leave when we were blessed with a guardian angel, she came up to us and said “hey I know you”.  It turned out to be one of the other wives that had been at the awful first meeting and recognized me as being the one who every time I made a suggestion it was shot down.  She had been treated the same way.

Now not to toot my own horn or anything but I do this kind of stuff for a living -  organizing, fund raising, and group events, and I am very successful at it as well. (I can witness to that - LAW) So when I made suggestions they were not made without thought and consideration.  I was more than willing to donate as much time and effort to help out but no one ever even bothered to call me back.

The angel had given me her number and e-mail address and after some great sharing of information (she was a “lifers” wife….. yahoo someone to help me, who knew the magic codes, she was fluent in Army) we talked about the experience of the “FRG” (Family Readiness Group for those who do not know) and I was floored to find out just how the rest of the families were being treated.  People were told they were not welcome in the group, one person had no family here and was very alone, and this cruel rejection darn near did her in.  Now I am not going to go into the whole mess but leave it  that out of the over 300 families that were assigned to our group we never had more than handful of people at the meeting and near the end there were only 3 or 4 people including the leader that showed up each month.

I found this very sad, there was so much I wanted to do and be a part of here to let the unit know that not only did we support them but we were here for there families anytime they needed anything.  So with the help of our Angel we started our own group (and we invited everyone to join no matter what, even the leader from the old group came and helped) we called our selves “RHSC” (Red Headed Step Children) and we did things that made me proud and I felt like I actually counted and mattered.  We sent over 3000 cookies for Christmas, we sent 5000 thanksgiving cards that were made by area school children, we made trips to the VA here, and we held each other up and always had each others backs.

Many soldiers talk about the friendships they make while in a war, but we made the same connections here.  I would not have made it without these friends and I will love them until the day I die, I owe them everything and no matter how many miles apart or years that go by all any of them ever have to do is to call and they know I will drop everything to be there.

So my message to all of you -  is you are never alone in this and if you are in need ask.  Start a small group with someone else in your area, call another group like Blue star moms (they will also help everyone not just Moms), ask at the unit headquarters; call the chaplains connected to your unit.  Post a blog on this site and you will get answers.  You never have to face the fears of knocks on the door, phone calls in the middle of the night or that ache in your hear that just won’t go away.  Do not, and I can not say this loud enough DO NOT sit at home and get lost in the grief.  We are here for you, arms wide open!

I want to thank my angel she saved us, and we saved each other.  I love you my friend and am so proud to have you on my side!

Here’s the link for  Holiday Mailing Dates.

LAW

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We’re Making History Today

I want to share something very exciting with you.

Today, IAVA is launching a ground-breaking Public Service Announcement (PSA) campaign with the Ad Council. This historic, multi-year, national effort is aimed at easing the transition for veterans returning home from combat.

Even if you’re not familiar with the Ad Council, you know their work. They have been behind some of our country’s most iconic PSA campaigns, including Smokey the Bear, “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk”, and “A Mind is A Terrible Thing to Waste”. Now, they’ve teamed up with IAVA to create the largest campaign to date focused on veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan.

And at the center of this campaign is a new private social network, exclusively for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans, at CommunityOfVeterans.org.

Please help us spread the word about this historic campaign. Forward this email to your friends and family members, and tell the veterans in your life to check out CommunityofVeterans.org.

Together, we have the potential to dramatically improve the lives of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans and their families nationwide.

Thank you for standing with us, and Happy Veterans Day.

The old Any Soldier mail was discontinued, but the Red Cross is making it possible again. Follow the link - lets get those cards moving!

Holiday Cards for Soldiers

If the link doesn’t work - here’s the address to “cut and paste”     http://www.armytimes.com/news/2008/11/ap_holidaycards_111208/

LAW

When one of my brothers became an Airborne Ranger was when I took more of an interest in the military and was planning on joining when I graduated from high school. (I didn’t sign up but that’s another story.) This particular brother, that I was used to playing army men with, that I would bug the heck out of while he was in Boy Scouts, and followed every where was suddenly a soldier. I couldn’t wait for him to come home from bootcamp! I collected military patches, learned how to make a tight, smooth rack and joined the U.S. Naval Sea Cadets when I was in high school. I even asked for and got a GI Joe for my 6th birthday!

Because of my dad, we were raised to respect and honor our flag and knew what it represented. That’s what I have taught to my own sons. To me, honoring our Veterans isn’t about flying the flag on certain holidays but knowing when, how and where to display it properly and why. It means knowing what it stands for and how it came to be. To me, because of our Veterans, those who fought for liberty, freedom at all costs, who stood up for what is right and led the way, no matter what the odds were, they deserve our respect no matter what. They are, and were, the ones putting their life on the line so that the rest of us can enjoy our day-to-day activities. Now that my oldest son is serving, I vowed to do all that I can as his parent to support him in this decision, to stand behind him cheering him on. To keep watch over his wife and daughters while he is gone as he asked me to. To thank every soldier I meet for their service to our country. He and others that are actively serving, and those who have served, need to know that we remember their service and that we appreciate all that they have done. I promised my son to do all that I can to help out here at home, visiting wounded soldiers when I can, volunteer at the USO or where ever to share a smile when needed, and to work along with, and help, other Moms and families, because we are all a part of keeping our Country strong, and because now, whether he knows it or not, he is my hero.

Ok where was I…

He had joined shortly after 9/11 and most of his friends had done at least one tour in Iraq or Afghanistan but we thought he had been spared while he was “training”, we were so wrong. His group was up and he was going for ? months to the “litter box” as we came to call it, Iraq as others call it - either way our son, my baby, was headed into the most dangerous area of the world and right into the middle of the war.

My heart stopped, my knees went weak, my stomach turned, I could not control the shaking and I fought to keep from falling completely apart. I could not let him or his family see the devastation I was feeling, I held it in I could not let my baby, his wife or their baby down, but what could I do? I had no idea how things worked, who or where to turn to when I had a question. How could we send him off to who knows where for an extended time and not have a way to know what is going on.

My daughter-in-law had just signed up for a very intense medical program that was going to last at least two years; my grandson was just barely one year old. She would be alone trying to raise a baby, go to school, and hold her very young family together without him here. So again we had the conversation with him:

“Oh no your are not”
“Oh yes I am”
“Oh no, you are not”
“Oh YES I am”
“You are not! You tell them you are grounded and I will give you a note telling them you made a mistake and your Mother says you can’t deploy”! Well you know how that ended, again.

Both of our sons were grown and other than some ongoing health issues Nick’s older brother has his Dad and I were on our own. After Nick and his family had left us with the devastating news and I had gotten over the tears and denial I stopped and took a step back. I thought about the way we had raised all the children in our home. What had we tried to show them and teach them about taking care of themselves and each other? What would I do if it were one of them …oh wait a minute it was them as well. Of the group that signed together all were heading out in the next few months. Well that was that, I had to step up and be the Mom.

I got busy, we made arrangements to move into a bigger house and move our daughter-in-law and grandson in with us. This would give our son a few weeks with them without any worries before he left. Also we were giving him the peace of mind knowing that she and the baby would not want or need for anything while he was away. Oh so very, very far away.

Now I have to stop for a moment and tell you all (most will understand right away) this was the most horrible time in my life, and to relive it is opening wounds I thought were long closed, but my hope is that others will learn and perhaps find comfort in my words and recounting.

NANA

This is a VERY important Survey  - which is designed to try to get real, honest assessments of the programs for wounded, ill or injured servicemembers - and it’s ANONYMOUS!  there is one for the servicemember and one for the family - which includes Parents!

WASHINGTON, Nov. 4, 2008 – As the Defense Department observes November as Warrior Care Month, officials have extended to Nov. 28 the deadline for wounded, ill and injured servicemembers and their families to respond to a survey designed to assess the programs and services they receive.

Dr. S. Ward Casscells, assistant secretary of defense for health affairs, said the extension resulted from overwhelming response.

Two Military Health System questionnaires, one for servicemembers and another for their family members, solicit feedback about satisfaction with the care and services provided. All responses to the online surveys are anonymous to encourage honest assessments, officials said.

The survey is HERE.