The Internet has given us a lot of gifts including jobs, information, and conveniences. However, arguably, the biggest gift the Internet has given us is the ability to communicate over great distances. Today, even if you and your loved one are on opposite sides of the world due to a deployment or otherwise, you can easily communicate via email, Skype, social media, and many other platforms. This is great news for the many children and their mothers that will be separated from one another this Mother’s Day. In addition to being able to speak with and possibly even see mom on Mother’s Day, thanks to the explosion of ecommerce sites and communication abilities, you can even send her that perfect gift. Here are just a few ideas….
Spa Packages – According to a Forbes article entitled “What Mom’s Really Want for Mother’s Day”, most women (48%) want a spa day for Mother’s Day (Bourne, 2012). Just because mom is in another state or even in another country doesn’t mean you can’t pay for a day of relaxation on her behalf. A quick Google search can help you find highly rated spas in mom’s area; pick a spa and then browse their website for electronic gift cards (gift cards sent via email). If you can’t find that, call the spa and ask if you can prepay for a package. If you can’t quiet afford to send mom to the spa, you can always send her a spa inspired gift basket such as this Lavender Relaxation Bath and Body Spa Basket for $29.99.
Flowers – The second most sought after Mother’s Day gift, according to the Forbes article mentioned above, is flowers with 38% of moms saying that was at the top of their Mother’s Day wish list (Bourne, 2012). Luckily, if this is what your mom wants, this one is super easy to secure no matter where mom is. You can contact local florists to order a beautiful bouquet; however, in order to save money and see exactly what you’re getting, you can try sites like Red Envelope. For example, you can get a stunning array of spring lilies for under $25!
Technology – Okay, believe it or not, 30% of the moms surveyed for the Forbes article said they wanted a smartphone or tablet for Mother’s Day (Bourne, 2012). If your mom is craving the latest high-tech gadget, oblige her this Mother’s Day. With ecommerce sites, its super easy to go online, customize a device, and have it delivered directly to mom. In addition, many sites will allow you to include a message with the gift.
In addition to sending mom some of the great gifts mentioned above, you can also send her something personal. For instance, a customized eCard or video greeting is sure to bring a smile to her face. You could also send her a picture slideshow full of photographs from the past and present.
Just because you can’t be with your mom on mother’s day doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate it with her and let her know just how special she is to you. Video platforms such as Skype and Google+ hangouts will allow you to see mom and watch her open her gift even though your thousands of miles apart.
Sometimes the act of asking for help can be more difficult than just doing the task yourself. Military families are not strangers to adjusting family roles and taking on extra responsibilities, especially during times of deployment. Asking for help and allowing yourself to receive help can be two of the most challenging aspects of adjusting your life while your soldier is deployed. There are several reasons why it is important to share your burdens, and ways to go about it that won’t leave you feeling helpless or alone.
Why Accept Help?
Whether you are the spouse, sibling, child, or parent of a soldier, your life alters when your soldier is deployed. The contributions your soldier would typically make at home, both tangible and emotional, can’t easily be replaced. However, allowing those around you to help you not only eases your responsibility load, but it can give someone who is helping a feeling of contributing to more than just your family. For those people without loved ones in the military, assisting those who do have soldiers in their lives can be one way they are able to support military families and the troops. Perhaps one of the biggest reasons of all, though, why accepting help is a positive thing, is that it will give peace of mind to your soldier to know that you are not alone and that you are supported.
How Can You Ask for Help and Receive It?
First and foremost, don’t just dismiss offers of help or generosity. You don’t need to accept on the spot, but you can let the person know that you appreciate the kindness and that there might be a time in the future when you need the help. You can even ask what the best way is to get ahold of them – phone, email, or other – so that if the need arises you have some way of reaching them and accepting help.
When someone says, “Let me know if there is anything I can do,” you might be tempted to shout, “Make this deployment over today!” However, try to refrain asking nearly the impossible, and instead find some little ways that others might help ease your stress level. These things might be:
- Drive the kids to practice one day a week.
- Provide a meal one day a week.
- Help with a home maintenance project, even as simple as rearranging furniture.
- Assist with yard work.
- Help with pet care – walking the dog and checking in on pets can be ways for even kids to help share the responsibilities at home.
- Be available to listen to the stress so you don’t have to dump on the kids or someone who is going through the same stresses as you are already.
- The list goes on and on!
You can even keep a list handy of “one time” things that you need help with that normally your soldier would be there to do. Keep another list of people who you know are willing to help with certain tasks, and one more list of people who have simply offered to do anything. Even though you might never call upon these people, having the tangible proof that you are surrounded by support can ease stress.
It is important to remember that even if someone hasn’t offered to help, it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t ask. Sometimes people are just waiting for the invitation because they don’t want to offend you and present an image that they don’t think you are capable. You can also seek out other sources of support from places such as:
- Community outreach programs
- Neighborhood groups
- Online forums
- Military resources
Asking for help is not easy for most people, but if we can pay it forward and offer help to others, sometimes that action allows us to accept help at some point in our own lives. In the end it is much better to swallow a little pride, accept the generosity of friends and strangers alike, and take care of yourself as your soldier would want to be able to take care of you.
Photo credit: Tom
In America Thanksgiving is a time of gathering with family and reflecting on all we have in our lives. Even though your soldier might not be able to be present for the celebration, you can include him and help you and your children feel connected to him during this holiday season.
Cornucopia of Blessings
Take an empty wicker or other decorative cornucopia, a symbol of overflowing bounty, and place it in a central location in the home. Several weeks before Thanksgiving, take time each day to write with your children one thing they are thankful for and place this note in the cornucopia. Use orange, yellow, and red pieces of paper, and fold them to give them depth before you place them in the cornucopia. By Thanksgiving you should have visible evidence of all of the wonderful things in your life. At dinner, read these aloud among whomever is there, then take them and create a scrapbook of thanks for your soldier and send the book as a wonderful reminder of the love waiting back home.
You can’t easily send mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie in a box overseas, but you can still send some holiday treats to your soldier. Use your regular sugar cookie dough recipe, divided into two, and add just enough food coloring to each batch to make one yellow and the other orange. Roll out the dough and use turkey shaped cookie cutters. Have your kids help you decorate them with fall colored sprinkles, and then send a sweet treat to your soldier. If you have teens or tweens, consider letting them have a baking party where they can invite friends over to make and decorate the cookies, and have enough to share with neighbors or send to other soldiers.
Birthdays – Gotta Have ‘Em
For your soldier’s birthday, send a care package that the kids help create. You can include the usual birthday cards, but add in there some unique surprises such as trick candles, a roll of streamers, balloons, and a list of all the things you love about your soldier – the number should match the age the birthday brings. You could even opt to send a clue as to what the birthday gift waiting at home is, but keep the actual gift at home, creating anticipation your child can get excited about with this fun secret.
If your soldier is missing the birthday of your child and that is causing sadness, you can plan ahead and have your soldier pick a special gift to give your child. Have the gift wrapped and with a card from your soldier. It could even be the first gift of the day, or a special token left on a pillow just before bed time. Your soldier could record herself singing Happy Birthday and either send it to you online or on a flash drive to play for your child. Take two pieces of birthday cake, one each for your child and your soldier, and borrow a tradition from weddings and place the cake in the freezer to be shared when your soldier returns.
No matter what the holiday, celebration, or special event is, it is important to make sure you don’t put your lives on pause while your soldier is deployed. For children this matters even more. The younger they are the more their memories will be shadowed by emotions. Do what you can to make sure that those special times are celebrated when your soldier is deployed, but include your soldier in little ways to bring all of you closer.
For the first installment of this two part series, see Creative Ways to Celebrate Holidays During Your Soldier’s Deployment (Part 1!)
Photo credit: Adrian
Holidays and birthdays are those special times when we try to gather with loved ones to celebrate and create memories. When those who are important to us are deployed abroad, keeping traditions and celebrating without them can be a sad reminder of the distance separating you from them. When there are young children involved, finding ways to recognize special days can become even more challenging.
Soldiers have some of the only jobs that continue right through the holidays, and sometimes days abroad are barely recognizable as holidays compared to typical celebrations at home. However, for loved ones at home holidays can be markers of time that are bittersweet. Children sometimes feel guilty about celebrating without their parents or older siblings, and may not want to acknowledge the holiday until the soldier comes home. Find ways to keep celebrating, even if you need to modify the typical plans.
Celebrating Christmas During Deployment
Christmas is celebrated all around the world, and the distance might never seem so great between you and your soldier than at this time of year. Use one or all of the following tips for creating memories, keeping traditions, and making new ones this holiday season with your children and your soldier.
Christmas – The Sequel
Make holidays Part I and Part II celebrations, and reinforce to kids that this is the best of both worlds! Part I of the holiday can be celebrated on the original date, such as Christmas. There are just certain things that mark these passages of time, such as attending a church service, singing carols with the neighbors, and decorating a tree. Hold a Part II celebration when your soldier returns, and account for some of the traditions that can be done “out of season”. This might be snuggling together to watch It’s a Wonderful Life, making a gingerbread house, or exchanging Secret Santa gifts. Your soldier will love the homecoming celebration, and your child will be able to continue celebrating and create memories.
Trimming the Tree
A Christmas tree can be a symbol of life, and decorating one is often a family tradition. One way to make trimming the tree special for families separated by deployment is to ask your soldier to send back little trinkets from the base or the area in which they are serving. These can be as simple as buttons, postcards, or even pictures. Help your kids to use these items to make Christmas ornaments to hang on your tree at home.
In return, send your soldier a paper handprint tree that the kids make together. To do this, start with the smallest hands first (if you have more than one child), and trace 2 or 3 handprints on green construction paper. Do this for everyone in the family. Cut out the handprints. Arrange the cutouts with the fingers pointing downward, overlapping each other like this one, and glue the pieces to form a tree. Let the kids decorate the handprint tree with markers, glitter, stickers, and more, then wrap up this great Christmas tree and send it to your soldier.